Immaturity vs Maturity

[ Currently listening to - Francisco Céspedes & Pablo Milanes - La felicidad ]

I sit here, at 6.10am, mulling over my decision to forgo my last few hours of sleep, before I have to head in to work. By 7 45am, I am expected in at work. I sit and think, why did I make this decision? Why not sleep in a few more hours, and head in to work, fresh, sharp, bright, ready to be aggressive and carve a niche for myself, and carve out a successful career? From the previous times I have done this, I have ended up distracted, sleepy, unable to focus...doing myself no favours here. Instead, I chose to spend the ghostly hours of the morning reminiscing about the past...indulging myself in nostalgic and sentimental songs and memories, letting the sentiments wash over me therapeutically. Yearning for a return to those days yet also knowing that those days are forever gone, a footnote in my personal history, as life itself chugs on, and I know that eventually, these nocturnal episodes will give way to more practical and pragmatic habits.

Yet why is it, at the age of soon to be 24, I cannot seem to dismiss these unhealthy habits? Is it immaturity? Would sensible, mature, responsible adults think "What the heck am I being so silly for? It affects my productivity, which in turn affects my career, which is a bread and butter survival issue. At this age, it is time to bury and put aside whatever unproductive thoughts and emotions we have, and accept that its time to grow up, join the crowd, and forget about the idle ramblings and mental meanderings of youth. They lead nowhere." Is that what I should/am supposed to do? Is it so wrong to cling onto the vestiges of the past? I think it is actually, if it actually affects your effectiveness and efficiency at work. It is one thing to allow, harbour and nurture a soft side, but I guess the mature thing is to control it and not let it take over your life and negatively impact what ARE bread and butter issues.

Is it immature then, for a person to think, "Heck, I spend my entire day working...I wake early, get in to work before 8, throw in my 12 hour days, go home, and after dinner/shower etc, am so tired then I have no time for anything else in life. Pretty damn soon I am but a dried, spiritually empty shell, sucked of all goodness and capacity to emote by the wanton dreariness of life/work and its never ending propensity to take all you have and more. If I don't insist on getting some time back for myself, and just chug ahead like a machine, its OK, but thats not what I want."

And this leads me to think...are all adults now so dry and boring? It certainly seems so. The only thing on their minds are how to make more money, save more money, pay off loans, buy superficial things, slave to debt, etc. Is this what growing up entails? Sure, theres the requisite buy house buy car and its associated loans..but still. Like Stacie Orrico said, theres gotta be more to life than this!

And then what makes them so enslaved into their current routine and life? Is it the pursuit of financial wealth? That is a fair objective. Non issue. But where do we draw the line? Should we admire those people with the guts and gumption to abandon a conventiona life, and be free from the trappings of wealth? The guy who follows his dream...

Maybe we ought to admire the guy who draws on the pavement all there and collects money from the public.
Maybe we ought to admire the guy who struggles to survive in the music industry but hasn't made it big.
Or the guy who is bartending as he travels across Europe.
Or the guy who relentlessly perfects his photography skills hoping to land a National Geographic job.
And the guy who gives up a corporate career to be a professional sportsman.

But the road to wherever is littered and paved with stories of these types of people, perhaps 5% of who make it big. Is the guts to try something that makes them foolish, and do they regret not being in the rat race? Perhaps not now, but what if, 10 years down the line, they realize the squandered away the best years of their money making opportunities, and when they finally outgrow these childish distractions, it is hard settling down, buying a house, a car etc. What do they get, in the end, for trying? Is the experience in itself, down the line, worth as much as a stable rest-of-your life?

I am still trying to figure the answers out...and I pray & hope I find the answers suitable for me before I squander my time away.