T'was a good wkend!

[Still at work and its 11pm! Work's such a bitch sometimes. But you know what? I'm still filled with warm fuzzy feelings left over from my wkend, and shan't let this spoil my mood! So...blog away I go.]

[Warning: Post filled with pics of my wkend getaway to PD. Too bad KY couldnt join us.]

"Why do all good things come to an end.."

We went to PD...and trekked up a hill to... see a lighthouse!I'm the idiot in the middle row on the right side sticking his leg out above that smiling girl in blue.

T'was a wonderful wkend, a reunion of sorts. See, back in Melb, I had this bunch of super tight close knit friends, and there were times when we loved each other so so much that we had to see each other like everyday. Like literally every moment. We'd meet up, spend the evening and night together, have sleepovers, wake up groggy next morning, head home, and we'd meet again for lunch and hang out. We had the most elaborate and wonderful birthday celebrations for each other. We played the silliest games which were the most fun, and did all sorts of antics n stuff together. We even…dragged.

Thats me with the floppy hair sitting right at the back on the left, with the stupid grin.

Unfortunately, commitments, distance, relationships, and just the drag of the stuff we have to do nowadays have come between us physically, so we really don’t meet up much anymore. Of course, even though I don’t see them often, I’d like to think that our bonds are almost as tight as they were once, coz I definitely still love and appreciate them. When we do meet up, we pick up right where we left off, almost as if there was no interruption.

Though I don’t show it and express it, I really do care for these people in my own thwarted ways. So when a quite impromptu trip to the beach was planned…I jumped in. I didn't plan it, didn't know much about it, didnt even pack for it...just..remember the date, time, venue, and I zoooomed down. And what a wkend it turned out to be! And I'm happy also coz I got to wear my beach gear and Singha shirt.


And at the end, my best friend who was there mentioned to me he could see how happy I was. And after that, it just made me realize…I’m so lucky, to have such great friends. I probably don’t deserve it. But I do appreciate and treasure them, and after reading another friend’s recent blog post about how the proximity you are to your friends influence your happiness [can't agree more J], I feel grateful that wherever I’ve been, I’ve never wanted for friends. Of course, the trip came to an end all too soon...but it reawakened in me how much I treasure and appreciate having this bunch of people, who have in their own ways, made me better, made me worse, but most of all, helped shaped me to be me. The trip might have ended...but the reawakened ties won't.

They say a picture tells a thousand words.

Well this picture needs some serious cropping!

No love triangles for me please thank you

OK, so some friends got caught up in some love triangle business.

Really, it's no business of mind.

But somehow I got dragged into some interrogation session.

And was even given the helpful advice that I should not lie coz they already know the truth.

Which instantly created the thought in me that hang on wait if you know the truth, why ask me?

Anyway, its kind of tough coz it involves people who are important to me. At any rate, I believe it's always tough when a relationship ends, but ... if it has ended, it has ended.

So there I was, forced to travel back in time in my little messy bird brain, and had to trawl through the archives of cobwebbed info in my head to dig up all these requested bits of information. The tough part was, I wasn't reallly paying like full attn to the actual proceedings back when it happened, and combined with the passing of time, vague memories images and sounds, little details n dates became all mixed up until I barely had the foggiest idea as to what actually transpired when and by who. And when you are me, quite the dreamer, and throwing in work days in excess of 12 hrs on average, you really learn to push away irrelevant bits of info that hop up limited and valuable brain space. Still.. I had to cough it up. Silence was tantamount to being in cahoots with the supposed offender. My typical style of simply talk to get me off the hook would get me labelled as a compulsive liar. So how?

At any rate, it made me re examine my actions and I do feel quite fucked up and regretful that I didnt do more. But seriously, in that situation, having already argued with the supposed offender, what more could be done? I can't cut ties with my best friend over these things. This is emotion we are talking about, and no 1 can choose or control what they feel. I firmly believe that. You can control or dictate to a certain extent events that may lead you to eventually feel certain things for certain people but thats about it.

Negative dronings

Ever heard of these songs?

Save the last dance for me.

Up on the roof.

Under the boardwalk.

The Drifters sang them. Before people invented a name called drifting, the Drifters were there. Well, Bill Pinkey, last of the Drifters, died yesterday.

*Moment of silence*

OK.

- - -

Watched 'Alone' recently. Didnt watch it alone though. And no, never had a twin.

Made me a bit sad...losing a twin. Losing a Siamese twin. Its cruel how Siamese twins can come about and how to separate em, 1 must die.

Its cruel how babies can be born with problems and die.

Its cruel how bitches give birth in public toilets n leave the babies there or chuck it in the rubbish or abandon it in some public area for the wild dogs. While barren women cry at night, wishing for their very own child.

Its cruel how some people can be healthy and in the prime of life, alwiz jogging running playing sports and just like that get cut down and die in some stupid thing.

Life (or God) can be cruel sometimes, and it makes no sense. And I suppose we just have to accept it, and believe it 'on faith' that oh it might not be apparent now but eventually one day the wisdom of all this, how it is part of some grand plan, will reveal itself.
- - -

Random bits of juice

- - -
Sometimes, the best songs pop up in the most unexpected of places.

Daniel Bedingfield-If You're Not The One

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/danielbedingfield/ifyourenottheone.html
- - -

Recently my sister was back in KL for a short hol, and we had some chats. One interesting thing she told me was how her better looking male friends back in uni (she is 27 .5 yrs old right now) now didnt look so good. Those with broad shoulders and muscular builds and the studs were now paunchy and turkey necked. The not so good looking ones have become better looking.

Wow! I feel better already. I suppose I should start selling myself as an investment for the future. 'You might not see it now... but in time to come... you will realize the wisdom of locking me up!'... Haha.
- - -

You know what I dislike? My female friends who go round all moralled and saying things like they are not after guys with money, they are not concerned with who earns how much, whether their bf is outearned or outearns, how they dont go for guys with looks, etc etc.

Bollocks!

I credit some girls who say this do mean it but hey come on, the majority of them are suckers for lookers. Thats fine, most guys are the same. But at least we admit it! We don't go hiding behind a glass house of morals. And oh puhleeze... when you're so soo concerned with other people's salaries n stuff...don't pretend you're not concerned ok? Coz frankly, its disgusting.
- - -

Snap Snap..Click Click..

"I've so many photos of you it's turning into a collection."

Ahh...photographs. To capture a smile, to capture a moment...

Another good youtube Video..I likey. <<<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujwuY8S-ipk>>>

Sometimes, you could just sit back all alone, and sift through photographs. And though you cant at that moment be physically there with her though you want to, just looking at her photos, seeing her silly poses, herr awkward looks, you just cant help but smile. And think gosh...soo adorable.

If you're not the one...

"...Regardless of what happened before, tell me everything about what happens from now on."

I want to be there to see you smile.
I want to be there to hold you when you tremble.
I want to warm you when you shiver with cold.
I want to stroke your hair, comfort and shield you from the harsh world outside.
I want to hold your hand and feel its softness.

There are some people you can never get enough of. You can't stop yourself wanting to see them, and enjoying time with them. You could be doing nothing or something, it didn't matter. And when you see them, you can't stop smiling. Yet you are too shy to let that be seen. So you never glance at them. And when you are not seeing them, you start the countdown til the moment when you see them again.

When I see those old couples, bent, still holding hands, and deeply in love, I get touched. Thats what I want. Thats who I want to be.

People fall in love. Then they break up, get divorced, one party dies. Then they...fall in love with another? Is that possible? Aren't you only meant to love, truly love, once? Is our heart capable of loving, and then moving on? Doesnt this taint the sanctity of the previous rship? Some say no, you honor n treasure n never stop loving em, but u can move on, u can love again. Well, then, arent you being unfair to the present love by clutching to the past?

Love. How many chances does one get at it? Have I blown my chance? How many shots at happiness is every person given? One? Unlimited? How can a person hold another, look into her eyes, and say I love you, and truly mean it, and one day in the future, do the same with another girl? It doesnt make sense. You can actually LOVE more than 1 person in a lifetime, albeit not simultaneously? Don't think so. So when you say it to them, only 1 you meant it.

Ah...confusing. NVM. Thats wat Tony Parsons does to me.

Good Youtube video.. I like. <<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRy6NzmJJb8>>

Be Bop A Lu Le

*Backtracked post...date reflects date it was written*

You know that song by John Paul Young, Love is in the air, from that excellent movie, Strictly Ballroom? Where he twirls and twirls her around, and they stay enraptured in each other’s arms…I’d love to do that to my girl. Anyway, instead of singing ‘love is in the air’, KEEP THAT TUNE, but switch it with ‘Elvis’ in the air’.

Yep, the King is alive again!

OK, sorry for the false alarm. It’s Elvis night tonight in MY room!

“Suspicious Minds” >>>

Because I love you too much baby
Why can’t you see
What you’re doing to me
When you don’t believe a word I say
We can’t go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can’t build our dreams
On suspicious minds

“Always on my mind” >>>

Maybe I didn’t treat u Quite as good as I shuld have
Maybe I Didn’t love you Quite as often as I could have
Little things i shud have said n done, I just never took the time
U were alwiz on my mind, U were alwiz on my mind

Maybe I didn’t hold u All those lonely lonely nights
And I guess I never told u Im so happy that ur mine
If I made u feel second best Girl im so sorry I was blind
U were alwiz on my mind U were alwiz on my mind

Tell me, Tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died
Give me, Give me 1 more chance to keep u satisfied

“Are you lonesome tonight” >>>

R u lonesome tonight, Do u miss me tonight
R u sorry we drifted apart, Does ur memory stray
To a brighter summer day, When I kissed u
And called u sweet love

Do the chairs in ur apartment, Seem empty n bare
Do u gaze at ur doorstep, And picture me there
Is ur heart, Filled with pain

Shall I come back again, Tell me dear
Are u lonesome, Tonight

I wonder if, Ur lonesome tonight. U know someone said that the world is a stage
And we r jus playing a part. Fate had me playing ur love u as my sweetheart
Act one was when we met. I loved u at first glance
U read ur lines so cleverly, N never missed a cue.
And then came act 2, U seemed to change, U acted strange.
And y ive never known. Honey u lied, When u said u love me.
And I had no cause to doubt u. But I’d rather go on hearing ur lies
Than to go on living without u

Now the stage is bare. And im standing there. With emptiness all around.
And if u wont come back to me. Then they can bring the curtain down

Is ur heart filled with pain. Shall I come back again
Tell me dear. Are u lonesome tonight.


My verbal ability to articulate what is on my mind has never been really good, but of late, it has slipped several notches. Unfortunately, when it comes to emotions, I struggle even more. This is especially so for certain emotions. But fear not, for there is this creation called music. As Hans Christian Andersen said, “Where words fail, music speaks”. Music evokes memories and emotions that mere words are not able to conjure. They can tell the whole story. They carry messages. So apt. Victor Hugo was right when he said “Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent”.

Weddings...

Spate of weddings recently. Can't believe I'm at that stage where I'm midway into my third decade of being alive on this earth.

I whine about my 15 hour workdays.

Well guess what? My liver, lungs, brain, heart, etc, have been faithfully serving me for the last 24.5 years, 24/7. Thats one tough job, considering my lifestyle or ex lifestyle of..nvm.

Gotta take care. Maintain the youthful (read youngish) looks that I get commented on pretty often. Ahem. I guess being pint sized helps. But girls nowdays say want the mature look. Well, ah, I can't be bothered mate. Plenty of time for that later. Now still look young, why not look young instead of trying to look old. Then when old trying to look young. In Mandarin it is called lao hiao, and that ain't me style chum.

Anyway..back to the topic at hand. So. Weddings.

Seeing all these weddings and stuff reminded me of my cousin sister and my own sister's weddings, where the bridgeroom goes to ze bride's abode and proceeds to (with the aid of his able buddies) fight through the huge stack of obstacles thrown at them by the giggling hordes of bridesmaids. Well I for one would not stand for it. See how unsporting I am? As a groom, all I want is my bride. I want me woman and I want her now. Come hell or highwater. To heck with all these things that stand btw us. Been waiting a shitload of time, ain't waiting a sec more.

So if I ever get married, big if now, I'm going to announce my arrival with a grand blaring of horns, assisted by the modified speakers of my sportscar (no traditional Mercedes for me Jose) blasting out some adrenaline pumping tune. Anyone looking for wedding trumpets can look elsewhere. Would love to come on a powerful sleek motorbike but considering that the bride doesn't alwiz get to dress up, wouldn't want to ruin her perfect makeup and watnot, right? Then, I'd hop outta the car, and go right on up.

Put a chair in my way. I'd hop over it. Put a table. I'd shove it aside. Put games and challenges. I've no time for it. No fun, thats my middle name. Shall barrage through all and sundry, stop at the door of my missus and bang on it. Open up baby!

At this point, the bridesmaids will laugh n squeal n watnot behind the doors n make me do/answer stupid ridicilous stuff. Well.

Very simple. Bring along a professional lockpick. Make him pick the damn lock while pretending to answer. And then march right in. If cannot pick, just give them warning, then kick down the damn obstacle (door) btw us. Nothing stopping me from her now, can almost smell and feel her soft hands. Heck care the crooning hens. Walk right in, plant a big long kiss on my WIFE, ignore and shake away the tearing hands at me (no Alex, it's not right!). Then lift her right up, and we'd go right down, pop into the car. And away we'd go, horns blaring.

Come to think of it, riding off on a white horse sounds good too.

Come to think of it, if her room had one of those adjoining toilets perhaps I could go in, snitch my wife away, and leave the hens there gaggling and crooning with my buddies pretending to be me and take her awayyy...

Yep. Not an ounce of romance.

Youth is wasted ... on the young..

Don Henley and his crew (The Eagles) … New York Minute.

Wonderful, wonderful start to the song. Cannot, just cannot, praise it enough. Fills me with the expectation of something good to come. And what comes does not disappoint.

Someone once told me. You know you are old when you start getting regrets.

I’ve always tried to live my life, as much as sensibly possible, ‘in the moment’. I’ve tried to live ‘without regrets’. But somehow that’s so much easier when you’re younger. When I was younger, everything seemed so easy. I knew instantly what I did or did not do would cause regrets later.

But as I look back now, I realize that there ARE regrets. Things I have or hadn’t done that I wish I should have or hadn’t. Of course I don’t blame or fault myself. Based on what I knew back then, I made the best decision possible. The only reason I have regrets now is that from then til now, things changed, and I know more. Without knowing what changes and what I know now, back then, I definitely wouldn’t have done what I realize I would have done now in hindsight with the mileage of experience n wisdom (reka don’t scoff).

I feel slightly robbed of my youth. Driftland said youth is wasted on the young. And u know what? He is bloody right. The young just don’t know how good they got it. What they can still do. You want to have lennon’s hair? Go for it babe. You want piercings? Right on. Want a tatt dude? University life. Where you enjoy some of the perks of being an adult without its associated responsibilities. Everything and anything is possible. A whole world of endless possibilities, everyday exactly the way as you would carve it. Your day your week your month your year your life like a beautiful glorious piece of .. brand new notebook or diary for you to fill any way you want. As I look at the insolent faces of today’s youths, who seem to be everywhere, I wonder if they realize they should be soaking in every goddamn moment of today coz before they know it, they will not be the young ones very long (elvis).

U wanna drop it all and run off somewhere – shant mention where- you can. You don’t think about savings, houses, career, car, health. You just … are. You just… do. Pure selfish hedonistic pleasures.

My shot of youth has come n gone. People older go but alex you’re not even 25!! You make it sound like you’re retiring. Yes I know I sound super dramatic and morose but the truth is, theres lots of things I can still do at 25 but theres also plenty of things that I want to do but that should sensibly only be done from 16-23 and any longer just makes me immature, irresponsible, unsensible and worst still, an old man trying to recapture youth n past glories, and whats more desperate or pathetic then that? A person sacrificing his future by messing up his present in order to re-experience his past. Theres a time and place for everything, and maybe, just maybe, it’s the same here as well.

I guess im just grumpy…let me gripe…look enviously at the youths of today…and then I shall continue to heavy heartedly turn around, look forward, and join the hordes of disgruntled, disillusioned workers, all marching forward to the beat of the capitalism drum, all sacrificing today in the hopes of a better tomorrow.

Malteasers

Ahh...

Sitting here blogging away, listening to Renee Olstead, while eating Malteasers, and next to me a cup of warm Milo, and a plate of crackers to dip it in the Milo, til it is slightly softish...

Oh joy!

Speaking of Malteasers..I remember I used to like v much those ads they used to show in Melb, of those 2 girls eating Malteasers and playing around...such carefreeness.

What a wonderful way to start the morning..! Reminds me of breakfasts at 2N10 College Scquare, with yogurt, banana milkshake and avocados, followed by long walks down Drummond Strt, oggling at houses, giggling at people, cooing over cute dogs, running from scary-ish houses, gawking at bearded Jews exiting from synagogues (rude, rude)...everything was nice and funny..we'd play blindfold 1 party and then the other party leads...required absolute trust. Fun.

How about big breakfasts after morning lectures? You know, where lecture goes from 8-9, then the next one is like 2pm..and after9am lecture its a GLORIOUS morn so I grab my free copy of the Herald Sun from Union House and head towards .. towards... I forgot the name of the street..oh but wait..there's another near the old FSC (Trinity Coll) with its creaky floorboards. So there I go, happily munching my big breakfasts with tomatoes, ham, bacon, sausages, eggs, toast, juice, while reading my HS and silently cursing Andrew Bolt.

Unfortunately, it IS a Weds morning..a working day...and I'm sitting at my desk. Downloading various reports. Well! Work beckons now. Instead of coming in sour and unhappy...shall change paradigms today and be all bouncy and happy and enthusiastic n raring to go.

C'mon VMI! Cmon export customers! Ain't scared of y'all.

Chemistry majors, please stand up

If I somehow slipped back in time, and met Mrs Tan, my Science teacher, I'd ask her, "Mrs Tan. What is chemistry?"

Recently this term has been bandied about quite a bit.

What is chemistry? How does one define it? Is it just being able to click? Being able to talk? Feeling like you totally have known each other for much longer than the actual fact? Is it sexual?

What does it mean when a girl tells a guy that there is no chemistry left?

Is it the end?

Winter

Been listening to Four to the Floor, Starsailor uncontrollably for some time now. Undoubtedly a star. When heard while watching the video, it makes me see myself in my beannie, Wu Tang jacket with hood and baggy pants trudging down the streets of Brunswick, or Fitzroy, or Nicholson, the resident gypsy enclave of Melb haha. Esp in winter. Graffiti all around. Miss my beannie.

Winter makes you depressed. So why am I depressed when I'm not in winter weather now. Perhaps the last 6 years of being in Melb has tuned my body such that I still get the winter blues though I'm no longer there.

Neverwinter nights...

Crime

By now most Melbournians would have heard about the shootings that took place a couple of days ago.
It is just somewhat shocking for an incident like this to happen in goold ol Melb, especially on the streets I know so well, featuring locations that are so familiar. Spearmint Rhino. Williams Street. Flinders Lane. Doubly sad is that the fatally wounded victim was the good Samaritan who went to help. A nice lawyer, from my alma mater. Father of 3. The other injured victim was a Dutch backpacker.

But what is really ticking me off are the spates of violent crimes closer to home, inflicted upon mostly members of 1 race. Rape and robbery is out of control, mostly inflicted by members of 1 race. Here is an exception to the case. But others who were not so lucky found themselves raped, and the boyfriend had his tendons cut.

Too much crime, too close to home, and not enough being done.

A-ramble A ramble and away we go

A few weeks ago, while driving to my on-site project, amidst a heavy downpour, I saw this man who looked like he collected discarded stuff to recycle, pushing his heavy bike. He was covered in a plastic sheet, and so was his stuff. I was so touched I went down and offered him RM5 for his breakfast, which he gratefully took. Since I was holding my bottle of Livita, I also decided to give that to him. But it made me think.



Life's not fair. I think we are all mature enough to realize that. When I think about it, I feel grossly pissed off that I have been very unfaired to in many circumstances. But at moments like that when I am ready to explode, I think back to these downtrodden members of society, and during these moments of reflection, I realize, hey its not too bad. At least I got a job, a car, and need not do what he does. Ah...lifes tough. Whoever said it was easy anyway?

Like now. I just wrapped up an intense day at work which started at 8 30am and it is now 2am. Decided to blog a bit to vent b4 heading home. At the rate things are going...the amount of unfairness stacked against me is stupendously astounding I tell you. But you know, decided not to vent. Ultimately, we live in a free world, where we always have a choice. No one forces me to stay on here. I can leave anytime I want. So, either I quit, or I quit moaning. So decided not to moan. Its a policy not to moan anyway..when I do whinge a bit.. its like..I really can't hold it in..or.. its a momentary loss of control...or..hey, I'm human. I try not to whinge coz hey after I talk talk talk, I get back to the same point anyway, you still got to face the situation. And I don't like unloading my troubles on others. Don't know how to react.

In my prev jobs, I guess I knew all along it was a temp thing, or a stepping stone thing, so I had the luxury of knowing that anytime I wanted to quit, I could. Now, since this is a career thing, I realize I cannot do that anymore. V immature. Responsibilities, responsibilities...No fun at all. Life just sucks the juice out of ya sometimes u know? Like, trapped. If I could, I would just... just...selfishly heck care what my family thinks, be totally hedonistic, take my $ and flee around the world. But I can't...got to think of 'building ur career la' 'building ur savings' la..but it makes sense to do it. So I will.

But really, I'm a dreamer at heart. Always dreamed of going to Club Med and meeting this..this...different looking sort of girl, all tanned and toned...and we'd make fantastic love together and then decide to run away and have hedonistic fun. Travel the world and such. Even I, the hardy gross unrefined Operations guy have my soft spots and dreams. Maybe normally I make guttural sounds and refuse much interaction with people, and might even be socially retarded, poor me. Maybe she can't speak English very well, and we communicate by simple yet romantic gestures. Maybe her smile is so nice I forever want to make her laugh just to see that smile. Maybe a simple brush of skin on skin yields electric jolts up and down me spine. And we'd go for long walks on the beach amidst the setting sun, we'd go skinny dipping and leap off the jetty into the water at night, we'd lie in bed holding each other listening to each other's heartbeats. We'd travel to the UK and visit all those places I've studied/read/heard so much about. We'd go to the woods and climb trees, build hammocks and fall asleep, climb tree houses, swing off ropes into streams..We'd go to Chicago and visit the United Center. We'd go back to Australia, and camp outdoors in Central Aus while deciphering the constellations at night. We'd go to Japan and wander around Tokyo at night, visiting pubs, drinking sake and getting lost in wonderful places with names like Kobayashi, Mitzusoka...and she'd poke me and glare when I smile too long at a passing babe. And I'd wake to the smell of her wonderful smells, her hair, her soft skin, every morning, and then we'd climb out of the boudoir of satin sheets and walk to the windows and throw it open (this would be Italy or France) and peer down the window at the little lane below, where pigeons coo, men in caps cycle straight-backed while transporting loaves of freshly baked bread, with smells that waft up into our noses and make us hungry, and horses trot clitter clatter on the cobblestones, just like in Melb, while buskers start up their merry music.

But til I find such a being, who is able to inspire me to drop it all off and run, I guess I better remain practical.

These good old days...

Am currently in the blackest of black moods, as my prev uber foul, profanity laced, supremely unhappy post can testify to.

Pause.

But for keeping-to-my-policy's sake...still have to put up a post I written a few nights ago...

Which is darned ironic! Considering my current 'upset level'.

- - - - -

These good old days

It is 4am. I just awoke, and am unable to fall asleep again. And with sally in the background, these moments tend to take on awkward emotional dimensions.

I try to treasure these little moments. You never know when these insignificant moments today becomes the treasured yesteryears of tomorrow. Just like how when we think back we remember simple small details of the past that at that time we had no idea would be what they are now – treasured memories. In 3 years I might be working overseas, alone, and when I’m in my room at night, sipping a Brown Mont Blanc, listening to my Buddha Bar collection, I’d like to think back to my quick 2 years back in KL. Its been just 2 years, but a lot has been accomplished, though there could/should be more.

I’d remember my interviews with EY, working in KL, driving ard the city. Enjoying the drive to DHL Cyberjaya, learning from Jeanne (sexy sexy) Ambank’s recovery management program, tussling with Tarmizi from Ambank, seeing my successful compliance work for Macquarie and JP Morgan appear in the papers. My resignation. My time with current company. The midnight visits to DIET. Running the show in PMD. Staying with the boys til late in SMD. Setting up the plant in Ironriver and the feeling of ultra satisfaction of giving them back a yield of 99.5% (given target 90%) in 12 days (given target: 26). Nothing beats that. Reading about elves and dragonlords on the balcony in the hot afternoons while sipping iced tea. Walking the long haunted tunnel alone at night. Ahhh…

I’d remember the Zouk nights. The nights at Poppy. Passion. And who can forget, Ruums, b4 it got fucked over and the techno trance dance scene was altered yet again. Shuffling in Maizon. Disbelief at colleague’s behavior at Velvet n Loft. Great times at Luna. Looking forward to this wkend alredi – adding to the collection at UV Nation.

Singapore. Mosaic music festival. Relaxing in hotel room alone in bathtub reading Tony Parsons again. Shopping at Far East. Trying out wigs for a laugh. Chilling with the cousin. Q Bar overlooking the Spore river. New Asia Café. Checking out St James. Driving around Spore. Driving to Vivo. Sentosa again. No more bikes to rent. Wandering ard alone. Jazz @ Southbank.

The drives at night. Speeding along the highways, a ciggie dangling, good friends in the car, screaming out Livin on a prayer by BJ. All in falsetto along with ‘September’. Going to Jln Ipoh for midnight dimsum. First night at Alexis with Jwen. Avoiding Az’s royal cousins at Luna. Friends crying on my shoulder. Impromptu late night durian and soup session with J while keeping an eye out for dogs and bandits. More impromptu late night sober-up mamak sessions with J post clubbing. VG’s mental strength and tearfilled eyes n resolve. Hacking thru forests with the Emperor. Solitary escapades to The Curve. Drinking at One Bangsar. Birthday at Top Hat. Phuket. Mount KK! KB.

Concerts. And more. Much more. Shall restart my journal, a habit I stopped some time ago. Gotta capture everything, everything. Robbie Williams said youth is wasted on the young. No, in my case, it wont be wasted! Shall capture them all.

Appreciate appreciate…

Black Black Mood

Am at the office. And am super pissed. Positively seething black black mood and vibes. Stay away.

Well. The mood carried over from last night. Below post written during the peak of red rage last night..

Yeah great…things just keep getting worse and worse.

Work wasn't all pure snowflakes, but it was still within the tolerable range. Then personal relationships take a turn for the worse, and words were received that delivered pure daggers right into my core.

Came back from work at 11 plus, and THEN had a quarrel with the mother. I fucking hate it when that happens. It makes me feel very guilty and really wish it didn’t happen. I really hate it! Really wish it wasn’t necessary.

I have told her AGAIN and AGAIN COUNTLESS NUMEROUS times NOT to do such and such and yet she does it AGAIN AND AGAIN. I tell her nicely, I warn her, I threaten her, I tell her nicely again, don’t do it don’t do it. Repeated so many times. And tonight I really lost it. Yelled at her and stormed into the room and trembled/slightly teared into the pillows out of pure guilt. Why can't mothers just understand and listen and obey their children more? Instead of inspite of being told numerous times, but they must STILL go and .. do it.

I wish she hadn’t done that. I wish I hadn’t reacted like that. All I can do now is apologize, but I know oh too well the scar left behind in the fence even if we remove the nails from it.

Then to compound things, I realized I lost my portable music playing device. That cost me 600-700 RM I forgot which. And this is the second time. And both times not my fault – I had taken great care of it, not to lose it. I don't even have a clue how it could have happened, where or when. How the fuck did it happen? It is impossible! I’m beginning to suspect supernatural mischief. For fucks sake, I would have paid RM1800. Could have gotten …

@#$#@#$

Please pardon my French. An uncontrollable urge and desire to just scream profanities at the top of my lungs, again and again, beating against something solid and metallic, destroying it, hammering down blows on it, releasing and venting my anger and frustration. I hope a burglar comes tonight. I’m raring to go. The motherfucker will not leave without anything being broken. I’ve got my ex-locker metal bar and wooden hammer all ready to go.

Some thoughts

Yesterday morning my mum was sick. Took her to hospital, where they took blood tests and gave her an IV drip. Then she was discharged. While all this happened, I snapped some photos of her. I intend to stick these up somewhere prominent so she is constantly reminded that she has to eat right and exercise and take care of her health.

Life is fragile, boys and girls. I do not like seeing my parents, who used to be my rock and pillar, being sick and old. I feel sad feeding medicine to my mum. I feel sad seeing her in pain.

Which is exactly why I have always harped on her to eat right, rest well, and exercise regularly.

Time flies. Much of it goes by in a blink. Make sure your parents are aware of these. Don't leave it til it is too late. By the time they regret, they would be robbed of their dignity. Sitting on top of chairs with in built toilet bowls. Peeing in their pants. Shitting in their pants. Needing to carry shitbags around. Being a shadow of their former magnifique selves. Needing their kids to change their soiled clothing.

If you love them, don't let them get to that stage. Do whatever it takes, be disciplined, be harsh. Then at least, though they are old, they still can enjoy their grandkids. And that would be them living out one of their life's ambitions. Thats the reason why they slogged hard n long n sacrificed much for us. And they can finally enjoy the fruits of their labour, playing among her grandkids, but only with health. And thats the greatest gift we can give them back. Love thy mother.

Male Chaunvinist Pig

I have recently been labelled as a:

1) slight control freak
2) egotistical Chinaman
3) MCP.

WTF?!

I do not think I am a control freak. I suggest things. I don't INSIST or COMMAND things. I don't have that right. I feel wronged!

I am not an egotistical Chinaman who is old fashioned. Those types are the kind who believe women are incapable hence their opinions don't matter etc etc. I'm totally opposite. I value the opinions of the women in my life very much. I think women are v capable. Heck, I was raised by my mum since I was 5.

I am not an MCP. I merely think that it is only right and gentlemanly for the guy to drive the girl around, to at least offer or insist to pay for meals out, things like that.

I do go Dutch. I don't mind being driven by a girl but I feel that is a bit like taking advantage of them and its not v nice. I do not endeavour to justify myself or defend my actions because I see a lack of necessity for it.

But I have seen MCPs, ctrl freaks, and ego people (either too much or too little) and I do not think I am so.

Long Distance Relationships

*Posted later but typed much earlier*

I am one of a close crew of 9. Never before in our history have there been so many of us in LDRs. Or been in LDRs. When it comes to LDR experiences, whether or not we are still together, as in some cases those mentioned below are no longer together, the bunch of us have quite of it to boot.

Lets see.

One HK gf.
One Sporean gf.
One Brunei gf
One Melb gf.
One UK gf.
One Aus gf.
One in Sg but a M'sian gf.

That is 7 of us currently in LDRs!!! Out of 9. And of the remaining 2, 1 is unattached. Thats a strike rate of 90 over %.

LDRs are not easy. Most LDRs fail. You need a few key elements to sustain it.

1) Genuine desire to want it to work, hence willing to do what it takes, including make the sacrifices.
2) Equal amount of desire on both parties.
3) Maturity.

If LDRs fail, it usually is because of either of these 3. Some people say otherwise like oh but I need someone who is physically there, or I whatever. Blah blah. As far as I am concerned, if you wanted that person enough, you'd have thought it worth it to do whatever it takes. Anything else means you don't love him/her enough to do what it takes, bottom line, end of story.

A few of us have been/are in LDRs. And we do share some stories. Yet now they go and get involved. In LDRs, a few things must be very clearly discussed. What is the end game? Where is their ultimate destination? If both parties can agree on 1 place, i.e. 1 of them has to relocate, then all fair and good. But if neither can see themselves uprooting, then obviously its a dead end street, so don't wade into it. Tough, tough.

And the party who doesnt uproot might forever feel guilt or whatever that the other party is making that kind of move. It really requires some degree of fortitude. And if one chooses to walk away, one always thinks, did I just walk from my One?

Champions

You can say anything you want. But you have to say we were champions. You can say anything you want. But you can't call us losers. You can say anything you want. But in the end, we were the last men standing. We were the winners.

The trophy

I remember quite vividly. The year was 2000. The venue was Albert Park. The occasion? Trinity College Basketball Tournament. One of the highlights of my still short sporting career.

We started off down by one man. We ended up winning it all. Big Ben, grimacing in pain as he got up from the floor with his twisted ankle, giving it all he had, in the final. Stan, with his wild hair flying, knocking down shot after shot, and sticking his middle finger into the opposition after. Michael, with his fierce disposition, flying downcourt while screaming DEFENSE! Darren, neutralizing their best player, and driving fear into the enemies' hearts. Richard, and his game-closing layups. Eugene, gobbling up every fucking rebound. Me, darting around, getting assists and pushing the ball on the break. All in black, cut off sleeved shirts and headbands, intimidating the hell outta the enemy.

Satisfaction indeed, when we held the trophy aloft. And when some immature S'porean army wannabe messed with Eugene, how our entire team was up in arms and normally placid Michael unleashed a stream of Cantonese profanities while throwing off his warm up jacket ready to wade into the fray. And Stan saying Fuck You each time he nailed another jumper. And Darren in his MJ imitation dropping in shot after shot. And Eugene wrapping his arms around me telling me to calm down and ignore the blatant fouls and testicle shots and then dropping the guy flat on the floor who did it to me the next time he challenged Eugene. And the celebratory dinner where Big Ben showed up in crutches.

The best part was how we had the most boisterous, biggest, international, vocal and prettiest fans. Our fan crowd was amazing. We held one team to.. get this... zero points.

I would go into battle with them again anyday.