Black Black Mood

Am at the office. And am super pissed. Positively seething black black mood and vibes. Stay away.

Well. The mood carried over from last night. Below post written during the peak of red rage last night..

Yeah great…things just keep getting worse and worse.

Work wasn't all pure snowflakes, but it was still within the tolerable range. Then personal relationships take a turn for the worse, and words were received that delivered pure daggers right into my core.

Came back from work at 11 plus, and THEN had a quarrel with the mother. I fucking hate it when that happens. It makes me feel very guilty and really wish it didn’t happen. I really hate it! Really wish it wasn’t necessary.

I have told her AGAIN and AGAIN COUNTLESS NUMEROUS times NOT to do such and such and yet she does it AGAIN AND AGAIN. I tell her nicely, I warn her, I threaten her, I tell her nicely again, don’t do it don’t do it. Repeated so many times. And tonight I really lost it. Yelled at her and stormed into the room and trembled/slightly teared into the pillows out of pure guilt. Why can't mothers just understand and listen and obey their children more? Instead of inspite of being told numerous times, but they must STILL go and .. do it.

I wish she hadn’t done that. I wish I hadn’t reacted like that. All I can do now is apologize, but I know oh too well the scar left behind in the fence even if we remove the nails from it.

Then to compound things, I realized I lost my portable music playing device. That cost me 600-700 RM I forgot which. And this is the second time. And both times not my fault – I had taken great care of it, not to lose it. I don't even have a clue how it could have happened, where or when. How the fuck did it happen? It is impossible! I’m beginning to suspect supernatural mischief. For fucks sake, I would have paid RM1800. Could have gotten …

@#$#@#$

Please pardon my French. An uncontrollable urge and desire to just scream profanities at the top of my lungs, again and again, beating against something solid and metallic, destroying it, hammering down blows on it, releasing and venting my anger and frustration. I hope a burglar comes tonight. I’m raring to go. The motherfucker will not leave without anything being broken. I’ve got my ex-locker metal bar and wooden hammer all ready to go.