How do you compare against and rate up to characters in movies? If they set the benchmark so high, real humans like us would never be able to match up in any way, and any attempts to do so would find us lacking, obviously.
You know who is doing the greatest disservice to the male gender, around the world? That is, besides ourselves and the bad behaviour of some of our brethren, obviously.
It is the movie makers and directors n script writers of all those romantic movies and dramas. And even though girls don’t admit it, I think unknowingly much of their expectations and demands of guys/romance/relationships are shaped or influenced at a sub-conscious level by these movies. And invariably, when they think of their dull real life boyfriends, they will encounter some sort of ‘accepting less than the 100% ideal’ feeling, which in some ways is akin to settling for.
Put it this way. Imagine a movie industry that has as its biggest customers a predominantly male demographic. These guys age from 12 to 32. And this genre of movies has as its hallmark the following characteristics:
1) The ordinary guy who is stumbling along on his ordinary life
2) Then (and they have people who do nothing but dream up such scenarios) amidst a very romantic situation they bump into/meet a very pretty girl under the most romantic of circumstances.
3) The girl turns out to be very pretty, appropriately shy, has the right amount of mystery and charm, possesses the right quantity of playfulness and thrill seeking behaviour, and is funny, smart, has a great job to boot.
4) Then everything falls into place, they go to lots of wonderful places, do lots of wonderful things, amidst a very romantic soundtrack, lets have some snow and winter clothing please, there is a very exciting period.
5) She is great, she is wonderful, she is perfect, she is flawless, she does not snort or fart or go to the toilet, she is never seen without makeup and great designer clothes (on her body that has of course had specialized personal training for due to the fact that she is a professional actress), she has never had an ex boyfriend, she is never jealous or whatever, the whole movie just seems chock full of situations that emphasizes her niceness, sweetness, funniness, how much she loves him, etc.
6) They never show the “ever after” part of happily ever after. They never show the day to day life. Them being caught in traffic jams. Them cleaning their toilet bowl. Them mopping the floor. Having a stomach ache, having a flatulent day, having morning breath, etc.
7) The whole movie is about how wonderful she is how she loves him so, the wonderful times they have, how she does sweet wonderful things for him, and never talks about paying the bills, life, and work and career seemingly is not an issue and everything is hunky dory and their jobs are either super glam or the pay seems to be enough though they don’t do much work.
Now imagine a whole generation or 2 or 3 of guys growing up to such shows. Can you imagine what this would do to our expectations of girls? It’d be a shock to realize they do have morning breath, that they do have armpit hair, that they blow their nose, salivate in their sleep, get flatulent, use perfume or air fresheners when they leave the toilet, that they throw tantrums, that they have mood swings, that life is not all hunky dory and all we do whole day long is shovelling snow at each other snow motion with happy smiles on our faces together with a romantic soundtrack in the background. Or dressed in clothes that cost 3 times our monthly salary while we hop around town laughing and taking photos and laugh on top of topless busses with the wind whipping our hair around our faces.
We’d expect girls to be totally different, and then we’d look around and realize hey these girls that are available in real life…are so not what we want. Then we’d hold out until we ‘meet the right one’ and then when what we thought was the right one comes along, we’d compare him to that ideal girl in the movies, and then where she falls short, as she naturally would, we’d just ‘have to accept it’.
And then we’d lament our fate in life, why are there no good girls around.
Monday, January 28, 2008
How do you compare against and rate up to characters in movies? If they set the benchmark so high, real humans like us would never be able to match up in any way, and any attempts to do so would find us lacking, obviously.
Speaking of tithing, this is a rather sensitive subject I reckon. Yesterday we were implored to tithe and to tithe freely. Now, I have no problem with tithing, and am happy to chuck in my money which would otherwise be spent on a DVD or some rather similarly less noble cause anyway so might as well let it be used in Christ’s name to do some good. However, I got a little bit annoyed when the pastor kept going on and on about it and it was the things he said about it.
Anyway the danger with tithing is when we take one verse or a small section, and then take it very literally, because that can completely skew the meaning. From my understanding, if we read through the Bible, there is more than 1 reference to tithing, and it is supposed to mean we should keep what we need, and give to our parents first and then give freely the remaining to the church.
The danger is when people misinterpret God’s word and generates negative reactions in others, or even leads others away from God’s meaning. In this case it might be tithing. What if it was something else? This is what led to the notion of jihad and terrorism, is it not?
I hope I was the one who was overly sensitive and misunderstood him then.
So yesterday we went to play basketball at DUMC. One of our regulars at the Bukit Kiara court that we play at invited us over on the pretext that it was some sort of competition or league thing that was a recurring event every weekend, and that the level of competition would be quite good.
On the contrary, much to our dismay, we saw some pretty unfit people there, and some middle aged men. Anyway since we were there, we decided to play anyway, just not as hard as we would normally, in order to preserve our bodies so as not to pick up necessary wear and tear, but just treat it as a workout and exercise.
Soon more athletic and younger players showed up, which provided a little bit more stimulus. At any rate, after we won our games, a couple of people came up to us and kept commending us, praising us, and kept asking us back to play more, and wanted to know where we normally plied our trade and whether we were DUMC members.
To which I and Kenny proudly replied, “No we are from FGA”.
I think that isn’t very Christian behaviour. But I make no apologies today because they really started getting on our nerves. It was bad enough they hacked us left right and centre, bad enough they held onto us, elbowed a bit too violently, called touch fouls and even managed to turn normally mild mannered Darren into a pissed off angry Darren. Even Jinn started calling fouls and when I saw the ball pried off him by some guy who basically just used brute force to reach in and haul out the ball from Jinn’s arms after he had pulled down the rebound, it was just too much. I think they really didn’t exhibit very sportsmanlike, sporting or Christian behaviour at all. It was appalling that they could call themselves so despite turning into desperate-to-win at all costs school kids who were not above schoolyard bully tactics.
And after that I saw the men driving off in their expensive BMWs and Audis. Well, the upside I guess is that I hope they at least give their fare share in tithes.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The other day a friend asked me whether I had seen the movie titled as this post.
I have. It was 2 or 3 years ago. I think whenever one loses the motivation to drive his career, or feels a bit lazy, he should remember that show.
Should wear a bracelet with the initials "TPOH".
Then they will get to see what could possibly happen when a man is down and out on his luck, how he is humiliated and loses his wife, how the most perfect beginning to a marriage can end in separation, how dreams become nightmares, but worst of all, is not being able to provide his kid with the kind of life he would like to. And putting his kid through the same trials and tribulations as he himself was going through.
And then how inspite of it all, he had the strength to pull himself together, try to make life good for his kid in as much as possible, and most of all, how sheer determination, hard work, a bit of luck, a good character, and some knack for your job, did pull him right back out.
It is good to remember TPOH.
Posted by Curio at 8:01 AM
Monday, January 21, 2008
Was sitting at my workstation, obediently doing my work, going about my work like a good employee should, who is not out to cheat company time. Then I heard some colleagues standing just around me talking about pre-nuptials. Pre-nuptials!
I am highly disturbed by the necessity of pre-nuptials.
The idea is that if the marriage is dissolved, for whatever reason, the terms of separation are already fixed and agreed upon upfront. So hence there are no disputes, everyone knows what they are getting. And it is for people who want to limit their exposure to the possibility of their ex spouse claiming excessively (or even a cent) from them in the case of a divorce.
This idea disturbs me on 3 levels.
1) How the hell can you enter into a marriage with the idea of divorce lurking in your mind, or as a possibility, or how can you even entertain the idea of your marriage not working? Either make it work, stay together and do what it takes to make it work, or don’t get married if you don’t have that characteristic because in all marriages we are bound to hit rocky times, so if you don’t have the fortitude to work the kinks out, you will be divorcing left right and centre.
2) There is absolutely no trust in there isn’t it? Whoever is demanding the pre-nuptial must feel that they cannot truly trust that the other person isn’t just out for money etc, and the person being demanded to sign must feel forever doubted of his her sincerity. These are just small aspects of the trust factor. Gosh…and without that trust, really, the marriage should not take place.
3) Pro prenuptials types say that when a divorce takes place, the prenuptial, with its clearly stated and agreed upon terms and conditions serves as a valuable tool to prevent it from getting (more) acrimonious. Well, I think that to talk about money is just a very … unpleasant subject. It is impossible to articulate this.
Gosh I feel so strongly against this idea. How can people enter into a marriage making preparation or backup plans in case it fails? Gosh…some people however claim that my stand is idealistic and that of the inexperienced. After all, once bitten, twice shy. But I just cannot stomach it. Either don’t do it, or do it without escape clauses. Commitment does not have escape clauses, or else it is not a commitment.
The sermon yesterday was about David’s commitment to God, that he did not need oaths or vows, that his word was his commitment. That single minded commitment to follow God and His commitment to us in return.
I think it would be interesting to compare the divorce rates of those who have prenuptials against those who don’t.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Indians have a niche job market. Have you realized that? Purely speaking from factual observation and with no racist slants.
Indians in Malaysia are split into 2 groups - the educated and the not.
Roughly, the uneducated become car washmen, guards, plantation workers, odd job labourers, people who work for city councils, etc. They are at the bottom of the skill and value adding chain, and the most they can hope to achieve to make it big is to open a restaurant and make it successful.
The educated become lawyers, politicians, doctors and I have just realized, HR practitioners.
I noticed that generally, besides Union leaders comprising of an unproportionately high number of Indians, a certain company's HR department is heavily dominated by Indians.
This company's HR department is well known throughout the company for being ... well lets just say not held in high esteem. And when we analyze the personality n chracter traits of the dept's personnel, we notice certain endemic traits that are quite common among them and which very likely have shaped and influenced the entire dept and its delivery capability and hence its reputation.
But the field of HR practicing is actually not that wishy washy. There are plenty of HR guys out there who do good work. HR is quite an integral part of a company. The best managers are people managers, not necessarily subject matter experts.
Hence I am now pursueing the interesting angle of whether that company's HR dept's shabby practices are a result of the field of HR being so and the state of this company's HR would be the same regardless of who is in it, or is the race and the people's inherent habits spilling over into their work or whether only certain types of people are attracted to and can work in HR (just like engineering, marketing, etc).
Was reading the Bible last night and this morning.
Three things jumped out at me.
1) Yearn for the type of marriage described in Peter . Want to be the type of husband who:
- give honor to your wives
- treat her with understanding as you live together
- my equal partner in this life
- must treat her as I should and prayers will be heard
So hence the woman I have must be someone who makes me want to be this type of husband, like Joanne does. I can't love someone just because she is such such such, so luckily, the woman that I have found and love, really is such such and such. Sometimes, she makes me feel that she is more than worthy of me, and where a less mature Alex would have said ok hence we should break up so you can find someone more worthy of you, a more mature Alex would say ok, well, now, what must I start doing, stop doing, and continue doing, to make us worthy of each other.
2) However, something else jumped out at me, from 1 Corinthians.
"Yes it is good to live a celibrate life. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. So do not deprive each other of sexual relations."
Thats very agreeable with me. I want one woman and I want me to be her only man. And once we are married, we shall go at it like rabbits. Physical intimacy with one is desirable only if the other is someone we have real and strong feelings for, and if that someone is physically attractive to a certain extent. That is the irrefutable reality and truth. So if a man allows his body to become fat, balding, potbellied, etc, OR a woman allows herself to look likewise, and they want to go at it, but they just aren't attractive that way to their spouse, so the spouse is not up for it though the feelings are still there, hence they are depriving the spouse.
Example. John and Jane are married. John wants to get intimate with Jane, but he is fat white pot bellied balding has bad body odour etc. So Jane, though not repulsed because she loves her husband but is just not attracted to him and can't get herself into the same physical and emotional state, by not indulging in him, is depriving him. But how can we blame Jane? So, from this, the conclusion is that the onus is on each man and woman to ensure that he or she retains some semblance of decent aesthetical appearance.
3) If a Christian man has a wife who is an unbeliever and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a Christian woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and likewise. But if the husband or wife is not a Christian and insists on leaving, let them go. You wives must remember that your husbands might be converted because of you, and likewise.
That was from 1 Corinthians as well. OK. Recently, encountering cases where 1 might be Christian and the other not. So the Christian party has trouble accepting a non Christian spouse, but yet their feelings of love and attachment for the other person is strong. So they are quite in conflict and drama with their emotions. I guess this verse does help a bit. However, I remember reading elsewhere that there should not be unequal yoke in a marriage. Which in this case WOULD be an unequal yoke. So this is something that I have not quite figured out.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Since I made the decision to work in another country, the only questions remaining are:
- what job/industry
- what company
- when do i go.
I realize timing is everything. And luck. Well, if looking for a job, there is no better time than now. Let me give you a hint. Bonus time. After everyone picks it up, they resign! For greener pastures. This is the time where opportunities abound. Although my company hands em out in April or March (trying to keep on to its key people, smart smart), others are handing it out right about...now. So, it's time to start writing my CV, update my resume a bit.
Right about now is about the time of the job exodus period. So if I apply now, most likely I will hit a wall, because employers arent desperate enough, and employees arent leaving YET, coz in all likelihood, they need to serve their notice.
Hence, I figure I have 1 month to perfect my CV and cover letters, and do the requisite research, and take another 2 months to go through the process, and perhaps, by then, they will be desperate enough not to wait for the merry go round to stop at their perfect candidate. And thats when I have the best chances.
Hence my thinking is if all goes well, I should be out of here by April/May.
So since I am writing out my CV, I realize, I really should have continuously updated it. Argh, another lesson learnt from previously that I forgot to incorporate. In addition to printing out and pasting all over my work/room my 2008 resolutions, i will also scribble down key lessons learnt as i go along, and review them regularly. its ok for humans to make mistakes, but lets jot em down n avoid the repeated pitfalls.
Came across an interesting article for CV writing, maybe applicable to many of ye lonesome lads.
I reckon I will either end up back in Supply Chain, starting from scratch in a bank (IT again?), or resuming my piddling professional services career. Well, at 25, and wanting to propose in 080808 and marry on 090909 and have kid one at 101010 and kid 2 at 111111 and kid 3 at 121212, and kid 3 at 131313 (hah got u there! theres no 13th month!), i reckon this is the last jump, better settle in stably, and ... start saving up bigtime.
Was told that peoples feeling of self worth is proportional to the feeling of worth placed upon them by people close to them who are important to them. psychiatrists said so. and that everyone needs outside reassurance, esp from ppl who mean the most to them.
I am currently feeling quite effed up. now, is it because the people who mean the most to me are not making me feel as if im worth much, or is it because i really am not worth much, or is it that i am weak and allow people to make me feel this way, and peoples sense of self worth shud remain intact regardless?
i think its a combo of all 3.
firstly, i have not been who i really am and what built me the confidence love trust n affections of others. and what i HAVE been, is quite slimey and hence it makes me feel like im not worth much coz i really didnt behave very well. hence, because i acted slimey, ppl treat me like im a piece of slime, which again contributes to my feeling of self worth taking another dent. then because psychiatrists say we all need outside reassurance from ppl who mean sthing to us hence my self worth took a further dent coz i am realistic and not vainly un self aware.
did joanne's sense of self worth diminish? did i take that away from her as well?
Yesterday was a good day! Went to church, went to my new favourite mall, the Pavillion, had hearty lunch, had a reading session in Times, where Joanne tried to get me to read up on what style of a flirter I was. Didn’t even know that things like that existed! Just a simple lazy Sunday, the way I like my Sundays.
Last night, I couldn’t sleep. Was quite happy actually, had Joanne over for dinner, dropped her off, and even did some silly poses for her because she wanted to photograph me. Driving home at night though I was seized by a hope, and optimism. New year, new hope. New day. New me, new life. Had my resolutions on my thumbdrive to bring to work this morning to print out (which I did already! 3 copies too!). Then had a chitchat family bonding session til late (coz the whole family is back, a rare occasion), and talked about future plans and stuff. Quite a fruitful discussion and found out where they stood on things, we both sides corrected some misconceptions. After that, time for bed. But couldn’t sleep due to some noisiness downstairs near my room, so ended up sleeping in the other room that was vacant due to a leaky roof (thankfully it didn’t rain last night!).
Lay there quite long, and couldn’t sleep. Somehow big empty room devoid of furniture, dark, the silence, the heat, the hard tiles, the discomfort, all I had was 1 blanket, no pillow even. And I started thinking, and thought of what I used to be, what people used to think of me, what I have done recently, what people now think of me, and I felt an overwhelming sense of regret n sadness. How some people, you want them to see a certain side of you, and you have never shown them so, and you are afraid you might never have that opportunity.
Then amidst the discomfort, perhaps due to it, I suddenly thought of Jesus. Of Him. Why, I don’t know. But as I was feeling feelings of deep sorrow rising inside, deep regret, deep self hatred for the hurt n worry inflicted on others, and real remorse, suddenly I felt very calm when He entered my thoughts.
And I started thinking of Him more..and fell asleep with him on my mind. This morning, I woke when it was still dark out, and suddenly felt much better, and sat up, and started to pray.
I prayed for the hurt and worry I inflicted on others, that others may be able to forgive me and for the wounds to be healed and for them to walk upright again.
I prayed for the blood on my hands.
I prayed for the sins I did and the sins I might have forced others to do.
I prayed for placing others in positions where they have to be forgivers.
I prayed for forgiveness most of all, to forgive me for those I have hurt.
I prayed for the dirty n bad thoughts I might have caused others to think.
I prayed that I would have the power and discipline to be a good Christian first, to do the right things.
I prayed for more presence, and pledged to read my bible more with Joanne, to pray together, to behave in a good way, that would firstly make myself good, and then from there, draw others to me.
I really want to submit my life and let him manage it, and to consult him for all major decisions in my life. Let my life be according to His will, and not mine. Whatever he deems is right, is right. If signs keep pointing against my will, I will obey.
I decided to register today for the classes that would eventually lead to water baptism.
So one of my resolutions for the year is more presence. How do I go about it?
church, more punctually.
attend classes, aim for water baptism.
contact fga regarding cell groups/bible study groups.
prayer every morning, every night, in between.
read bible every night.
pray together with Joanne.
think of Him all the time.
constantly ask myself, WWJD?
Theres something about waking up to a dark room, its dark n quiet outside, and the room is empty, and im sitting up on the cold barren floor tiles with no pillows, and praying and making pledges with God. Its almost like I can feel n sense he is around, he is listening, and like im making a direct connection, that he can hear me. Its not like in church where my tiny whisperings are just a bunch of the zillions of ppl simultaneously praying in churches ard the world. Its like due to the quietness, suddenly in god’s bedroom, my lone voice is the one he hears, loud n clear. And im infused with inspiration to do right.
- make myself good, and known as a Christian, and be a good Christian.
- Bring strayed or weak Christians closer back again to god.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
read somewhere if one cant love oneself, one cant love another.
think i have to learn to love myself again because at this point im really angry with myself and starting to turn against myself.
cant see much to like love respect admire to emulate.
gosh i feel sorry for my sister that her role model in life turned out this way.
sorry doesnt even begin to describe anything.
so much to say. but this is not the time. off to Maxis i go.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
I just so love short trips, quick holidays and the like, and getting to go with special people makes it even more super fun! Shall blog about this in the upcoming days/fortnight. Right now, squeezed for time, just really quickly put this up:
Twas taken in Frasers 1.5 weeks ago...Ahh..(the joys n wonder of sepia setting).
Anyway, so, it was a really fun trip. Must do more.. look fwd to more.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Slept not too late, read a bit of the Bible, prayed a bit...
Woke early, had breakfast (yay!), did some stretching exercises. Can do basic ones at the office later in private (e.g. pushups and the like)...
Must keep the momentum going, and turn it into habit! Everything comes from habit.
Hmmm...can habit form character?
Or is habit ONLY a clear demonstration of character?
Ah ha! Point to ponder en route to work..which is.. NOW!
Monday, January 07, 2008
* Really bad poem coming up, written as a break from the inexplicable joys of work.
Y'day I said goodbye to my friend
And JBeannie is her blessed name
Friends since we were around ten
Though we're no longer the same
She appeared unexpectedly in my life
Smart, prefect and soft spoken
Soon, we hope, she'll be our Jinn's wife
Hence sorry guys, she's taken
She's been mostly great, sometimes wise
But always a comforting voice
Though sometimes it is very nice
To make her lose her poise
When I erred, shocked and dismayed her
I could see the disappointment too
But I WILL get get my act together
Sure as 1 plus 1 is two
Through times of goodness and times of trouble
She is there by my side
She sees good in me, what, I sometimes marvel
Though I'm sure she's right!
And though I do not say it much
But my heart you've truly touched
So here JBeannie is my silly dumb way
To say what I've got to say!
- - - -
Friends are a great and important thing in one's life. Sometimes their opinions are right, sometimes wrong, sometimes they see what we cannot see, sometimes they tell what we cannot face. But it is always a source of joy and comfort to know that one has real friends.
(Gosh, it is tricky to type in normal prose after thinking poetically and lyrically for the last 15 mins).
She did not mince her words. We've known each other for 10 years or more, and through it all, she has been a supportive friend who has always had only praise for me, mixed in with some occasional brickbats. And when I erred, and dismayed her and in all likelihood disappointed her, I could expect no less than her withdrawal of friendship. But she was a source of strength and joy and comfort and the effect she and her words in private had on me cannot be underestimated.
Of course, she condemned what happened as well and in no way did she side with me. But after knowing me for so long, seeing me make such a mistake, so uncharacteristic of me to behave so, so unbelievable of it, she was able to realize that I really had made a terrible mistake which was killing me inside, and could remain supportive, though it was not her who had to do the forgiving, of course.
It is always not easy to express how grateful you are and how much you appreciate the friendship of someone from the opposite gender. But J and I go way back, so I guess it is much easier to be mushy about these things. It's also another consideration that she is going out with one of my best friends Jinn, and hence we know this is strictly platonic. But just because I act the way I do around others does not mean I don't acknowedge, appreciate and am grateful for her presence.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Calvin once told Susie that he was happier and luckier than her for getting a C in his test scores, even though she got an A. His rationale was that he found life much easier the lower he kept everyone’s expectations.
That is quite smart. As Jo told me, undersell, over deliver. Well, at work, each time I meet an expectation, they raise the bar. I’ve never felt unconfident facing the challenges, always thought I could get it done. This time around, I am facing the biggest challenge, which also could very likely be a fine feather in my cap in terms of my career. If I decide to stay on in this line, this would really be a fine achievement. And I do look forward to the challenge. But really…it is a little tiring always stretching to reach the bar that ever rises.
At any rate, I am going to set certain personal standards for myself for the year. I will not set the bar low or high. I merely will set it at a reasonable target so I am not deluding myself when I say it, and at the same time, it is also what I want to be. It is high time that I start setting down some baselines for myself.
I want to:
- Go back to being the simple, straight thinking guy I’ve always been.
- Impose certain disciplinary standards on myself such as regularly exercising, eating breakfast, etc.
- Be a good reliable trustworthy colleague as well that generates confidence in superiors.
OK, that’s just to start off with. Gotta run, continue this post later…
It is with trepidation that I remove my shirt now. For I find irrefutable proof that I am, gasp, aging. My stomach, where it once had abs, then became merely flat. Now, occasionally, it is, and it kills me to say this, no longer flat especially after I eat a lot and drink a lot, for then it actually protrudes slightly, even if only for a while.
Please take a sickle to my head.
I also find that I cannot run as fast, jump as high or am as fit as I used to be.
I hope it is only because I have not been exercising as much as I have, and that it is merely a matter of fitness.
But there are other suspicious signs! My face seems to have been drier, and the resultant is that under certain lighting conditions, I see certain marks of aging. My appetite is less voracious. I get more easily tired and I prefer to just hibernate and lie in darkened rooms like a vampire.
Gosh…I think I’m going to restart my exercise habits with a vengeance. If I can’t stop aging, at least I can reduce its deleterious effects!
People say guys start maturing around their mid twenties, and prior to that, are still a bit unstable and immature. I’d say that I agree, in the majority of cases. There are happy and lucky occasions where the girl and the guy’s maturity are even, and they grow together and then get married, and there are occasions where the girl’s maturity exceeds his, but she has faith in him and stands by him patiently until he grows up and then they get married. This is probably one of the greatest shows of love and faith she can display, for essentially, she is gambling with her time, which to most girls today, denotes youth and the best years of their life, so in essence, they are really putting all their hopes on you, and truly love you, for being willing to do that.
The third and probably most common is that girls nowadays crave and yearn for firstly security and stability from their guy. Second to that comes their love for him. So, they might like Jim most, but if Jim is still not quite there in terms of stability and security, and there is Jack who is older, more stable emotionally and character-wise, and more secure financially, and who likes her and treats her well, they will in all likelihood run for Jack. Coz Jim is an unknown proposition. He might or might not make it, and they don’t want to take that risk of him not making it, so hence they run for Jack. And they prefer to live with that, rather than gambling on having it all with Jim. Most girls aren’t risk takers or gamblers that way, or their parents will influence them towards Jack and most girls are quite obedient still. There is this perception that older men are wiser, more experienced, more mature. I think that that is probably true, but older men are also less controllable, less idealistic and loving, more protective of themselves, more able to use those things to control the girl and press the right buttons. Ah, but girls love that and the feeling of being under a certain type of control, and they think wow the older guy is wiser and smarter, can make her feel like he is so great, teach her so much etc.
There is the male equivalent of the above phenomena, though with looks and naivety probably replacing maturity, security, stability, etc. Humans are just such suckers aren’t they?
The scholars, and most other guys (the ones who aren’t actively doing the above said and the ones who are able to match wits with girls their age, and don’t have to stoop to impress younger girls who can match them though having lived less) agree with me on this, and we have many strong opinions on it, which I feel quite lazy to type out at the moment so shall park aside for now, if at all I intend to post it up. It’s strange that back from high school up until a few years ago, girls would join us in snickering at guys who couldn’t find dates their own age, and had to resort to going out with younger girls, yet now, girls are the ones who actively look for older guys just as much as older guys look for younger girls.
I guess whatever makes the world tick huh?
Most people do believe love can be cultivated, so girls are encouraged to just choose the one whom can surely give u a good life (financial stability), emotionally stable and mature (strong and consistent), reliable trustworthy (won’t look for other girls), simple minded (easy to control), spend time with him, and over the years, will grow to develop a fondness for him that after years of his undying affection, will turn to love. Don’t worry about not loving him now, don’t worry about his looks.
As for dumb ol Alex, I will follow where my heart takes me, be it Jim or Jack, and live with the consequences. I cannot love a cruel, selfish, materialistic girl. I know I have made my mistakes. Most people have. The important point is to learn from them and never to repeat the mistake again. I have had enough drama to last me a lifetime, and just want to revert to my simple dumb unassuming ways again. I found my not Jim, not Jack, but my Joanne.
Ah, never-ending topics, so much to talk about, so much to debate over, but alas, work beckons. Not good to blog during office hours. Perhaps I shall continue later, then again, perhaps not.
Suddenly I find that I have reached that age. Guys nowadays, they tend to get married in their late twenties or early thirties or somewhere in between. The prevailing and popular theory is, besides the rule of there being exceptions to every theory, that guys will start maturing only around the age of 26, 27. And it is only around that age that they are able to afford to get married and have a stable career and the likes. Prior to that age, savings are low, and their mentality isn’t stabilized yet.
Well, I am 25, but I feel ready to leave bachelorhood and its many joys behind. Oh for sure I will still partake and indulge in occasional guys’ nights out, sports, etc. But I am ready to have my one life companion, the one whom I want beside me and I want to be beside through thick and thin, sickness and good health, until death do us part. And with this person beside me, I will have no more distractions and can just focus on my career, starting a family, etc. It is better to start a family earlier, and not wait until we are old and less energized and still have to deal with babies, and upon retirement, we can still have some youth and vitality to enjoy life. It would be good to have a year after marriage without kids yet, but if timing is tight, it is fine to jump right into it.
In order to get married, a guy needs character, maturity, and financial stability. Character and maturity comes from life experiences, observations, influences, personal nature, and upbringing. What I have full control of is financial stability. The goal now is to make sure that in 2 years time, if I want to get married, I can have that option financially. I’ve probably left this one year too late, but better late than never. Character and maturity is something that I am picking up rapidly, and will continue to focus on developing everyday.
Of late find myself thinking of and wanting to get married and begin that next part of my life. I mean, if one has found someone to share their rest of their life with, why wait?!
Almost 2 months ago, I turned 25.
I remember when I was significantly younger, several years ago. I used to think gosh, 22, 23 year olds are so old. Such a long time away still. I imagined things would be somewhat different to what they now are. I used to think mid twenties clubbers are like a bit past their prime for such activities. And I used to think when I hit the working world, I’d hit it like a rocket blasting into space, aggressively, like an unleashed angry boxer swinging away at a hated opponent. And I used to think by the time I am 25, I will be so and so, and have achieved such and such.
Gosh…upon reflection, I think I totally missed the target.
For one, up to last year, I was still hitting the clubs. I did hit the working world full of gung ho, but after finding happiness in my personal life, which possibly could have taken some of the edge off me, I have relented a bit and my relentless push has blunted somewhat. Rather spend time with valuable people rather than working. And now that I am 25, I am not really any so and so, nor have I many achievements to show for consuming valuable earth resources for the last 24 years. Gosh, so how did I end up here?
For one, I think I stopped my previously regular habit of constant self reflection, pause, look at my tracks and where it has led me, and where it is leading and will lead me. Had I stopped and taken stock of my situation more often, I would realize that I was deviating, and would hence have taken the necessary steps to right myself again.
But it’s not too late. For 2008, I don’t have many resolutions. I just want to stick to the lists I made in 2007, and really let the character development observations and initiatives I posted up on the 31st infuse themselves in me. 1 thing I will actively do more though will be to stop and take stock of my situation. I know what my end goals are. So everything I do, I must ask myself: does this take me closer to or further from my end goal?