In my studies of Christianity (ok at this point, please stop for a moment and realize that studying is a very severe overstatement) I have often hit a severe stumbling block that is very common to most people who have undertaken similar endeavours.
That is the alignment and marriage in perfect agreement of logic/reason and faith/God’s word. These 2 are at direct odds. One way I wanted to overcome it was to buy this book written by this famous ex-NYT journalist about how we can overcome this problem of ‘faith’. He wrote some other famous books, e.g. The Case for Christ, The Case for Faith, etc. Lee Strobel is his name.
Then it struck me that the very act of needing to read a book called the case for faith was in itself yet another step of my logical deduction to remove and eliminate my incredulousness at God’s word. The reason why I cannot fully accept is due to my issues with faith, and I need to read a book on faith to have faith? It is kind of hypocritical, that I need a logical way of explaining and removing a logical explanation for a faith based thing. Faith is faith. There should not be a need for a case for faith, for that in itself, removes the fact that it is fbased on faith but rather, one based on a persuasive 'case' for faith.
Simultaneously I came across the concept that God’s word is not something we can filter and choose (old news, yawn). We have to believe, we have to accept, we have to take the Bible, His word, as THE final authority. We take it all or we take none. There are some good quotes on this which I need to dig up and paste here.
Hence, with those 2 concepts, I find my resistance slowly but surely breaking, as He slowly but surely starts to fill more and more of my life. Sure there are still several parts I cannot reconcile myself with, but this is a life long journey.
Another thing is we really need to open up our hearts and minds, and invite Him in. It is true, that when we sincerely seek Him, we shall find. Otherwise, a purely logical and scientific pursuit of a relationship with God as if it was just another human relationship or material acquisition is a sure fire way of not getting a relationship with Him.
I do not yet regard myself as a Christian. But the walls of resistance and the barriers which previously stood strong like an impenetrable fortress are crumbling.
1 strong reason why I do not yet regard myself as a Christian is because I do not yet regard myself as worthy of being one. In my mind, a Christian, to call yourself one, is to claim something which is really holy and pure, and if you are not so, you should not taint God’s name with calling yourself a Christian. If you are not virtuous, engage in activities that goes against the 10 commandments or are not even a good HUMAN being to begin with, you have no right to call yourself His servant and claim to be one of His loyal believers for if you were, you’d try harder to obey the 10 commandments.