I will fight for you - coz we're the special two

I tossed. I turned. I am conscious. I am aware that I'm awake. I try to sleep. But sleep refuses to
re-enter me. I open my eyes and glance out the window and try to imagine the night sky and the stars. But all I
see is the porch, and a cicada or 2. I press the illuminator on my alarm clock and it says 4 15am. I know

conclusively I really can't sleep. I would like to get up and go to work. It is possible. We have operations running
24/7 right now and my presence would be welcome indeed. But I am afraid because...that area is haunted. So
I shall wait for daybreak.

In the meantime I lie there pondering. Pushing thoughts from my mind that I know eventually I need to deal with.
I get up and type a short ranty post. But still I can't sleep. Dammit. OK. Time to confront what I have to confront, 
cannot push it away anymore.

- - - - - - -

I switch on one of my fav songs. Missy Higgins' The Special Two. Brilliant. One of the few good Australian singers along the ilk of Delta & Imbruglia. I used to play this song on my discman as I left my house at night, and made the long cold solitary walk/cycling trip to my girlfriend's place. Vividly, I recall the path - exit house, race along Cardigan, turn right onto Elgin, head for Intersection Cafe where the petrol station is, turn left at the lights and
race up along Lygon, pass the corner pub opposite the church, up up up, 
pass the flats on the right side, up up up,
until I hit College Sq. Then, take the lift, up to 2N10. By the time the song is done, I would be there, and once she
opens the door, I would have been all psyched up to jump on her and hug her fiercely, never letting go, coz we
were 'the special two'. Haha..childish..but pure. And thats all in the past now.

At Cairns, in the middle of the night, when I headed up for the ship's deck, and it was dark, COLD, WINDY, and I
was all alone and felt this magic all alone in the middle of the night in the middle of the ship in the middle of the
Great Barrier Reef. I yearn and crave for those moments, when the night feels special, when you are more or
less the only 1 awake. I shake my head now, to clear these random memories.

But yet they won't go away. No thanks to Miss EM, who recently came back on a trip to Melb, and showed me pics
she took and made me guess where she took them from. At first, it was a game..Fed Sq...Collins Street, Melb
Town Hall, Southbank, Lin Ctrl etc. But after a min or so, seeing these familar places, images seared thru my 
head, jolting awake long dormant sentiments. And before the tears came, I quickly guessed the whole pile of pics
and retreated into Alex 2 while outwardly maintaining a jovial expression of the publicly expected Alex.

Why the strong attachment there? There was a period of time when I was quite sick and tired of everything there
and all I ever wanted was to get the hell outta there. P'haps its a case of the grass is greener on the other side.
Maybe back then it was fun n games, and now here its hell and work, so naturally, that place is associated with
sweet warm memories. Whatever it is, I have to make a decision, and soon, about something thats been on my
mind and bugging me for the last 1 year.

In order to retain my PR, I must spend 2 (I heard this has changed to 3) years out of every 5 living in Australia. Its
been a couple years already since I left the country. And I will very very soon need to decide if I want to retain
that PR, for if I do, then it is high time to make preparations already to start going back. So now its a matter of..
Aus? PR? Or..staying put in KL? Or...going to another city anew? P'haps Spore.

But I don't want to be TOTALLY alone there, and it seems like most of the people I can still consider desirable company are no longer in Melb or will not be there soon. Living life alone is cool - most of the time. But not all of
the time. They say, 'make new friends!'. Easier said than done - I tend to spot very little in common with people
whom I meet nowadays. Even less who I desire as company.

Grr...and with that, I shall end this post, and lie back, while Katie Melua fills my room at 5 20 in the morn..