Prenuptials = til divorce do us part

Was sitting at my workstation, obediently doing my work, going about my work like a good employee should, who is not out to cheat company time. Then I heard some colleagues standing just around me talking about pre-nuptials. Pre-nuptials!

I am highly disturbed by the necessity of pre-nuptials.

The idea is that if the marriage is dissolved, for whatever reason, the terms of separation are already fixed and agreed upon upfront. So hence there are no disputes, everyone knows what they are getting. And it is for people who want to limit their exposure to the possibility of their ex spouse claiming excessively (or even a cent) from them in the case of a divorce.

This idea disturbs me on 3 levels.

1) How the hell can you enter into a marriage with the idea of divorce lurking in your mind, or as a possibility, or how can you even entertain the idea of your marriage not working? Either make it work, stay together and do what it takes to make it work, or don’t get married if you don’t have that characteristic because in all marriages we are bound to hit rocky times, so if you don’t have the fortitude to work the kinks out, you will be divorcing left right and centre.

2) There is absolutely no trust in there isn’t it? Whoever is demanding the pre-nuptial must feel that they cannot truly trust that the other person isn’t just out for money etc, and the person being demanded to sign must feel forever doubted of his her sincerity. These are just small aspects of the trust factor. Gosh…and without that trust, really, the marriage should not take place.

3) Pro prenuptials types say that when a divorce takes place, the prenuptial, with its clearly stated and agreed upon terms and conditions serves as a valuable tool to prevent it from getting (more) acrimonious. Well, I think that to talk about money is just a very … unpleasant subject. It is impossible to articulate this.

Gosh I feel so strongly against this idea. How can people enter into a marriage making preparation or backup plans in case it fails? Gosh…some people however claim that my stand is idealistic and that of the inexperienced. After all, once bitten, twice shy. But I just cannot stomach it. Either don’t do it, or do it without escape clauses. Commitment does not have escape clauses, or else it is not a commitment.

The sermon yesterday was about David’s commitment to God, that he did not need oaths or vows, that his word was his commitment. That single minded commitment to follow God and His commitment to us in return.

I think it would be interesting to compare the divorce rates of those who have prenuptials against those who don’t.