Male - O Grams - Attraction

Attraction is a very odd thing.

Some people say that for men, first there is lust, and then come feelings. Hence, men never fall for women who aren’t gorgeous and beautiful. And also this is no good, because the foundation of their feelings is lust, hence once they no longer find her attractive, they no longer have feelings for her. They say that when a man says that he has fallen out of love, he basically firstly thought that she was no longer physically desirable.

I beg to differ. There IS a legion of us out there who are more honourable. Granted, please do remember that most of the men you’d meet nowadays will belong very at home in the above paragraph, but there are, not many, granted, but there are, a few of us who befits the below descriptions.

Say Jack and Mary are friends. Initially, Jack probably never thought much more of Mary than as a friend. She was neither exceptionally drop dead gorgeous, nor was she ugly. She was a very normal girl to him. As friends, they spend time hanging out, doing things friends do, getting to talking a bit. So over time, when her personality and character has imprinted themselves on him, he begins to feel a fondness for her. It is at this point Jack starts to realize that at times, Mary is actually quite pretty and that at other times, she looks much better than originally thought. He attributes this to the fact that he never paid much attention to her, and now that he does, and has spent more time with her, he is able to notice her attributes. As time goes by and their relationship develops some more, this feeling also becomes deeper. Now, when he thinks of Mary, it evokes in him feelings of attraction and of wanting physical contact, such as stroking her hair, smelling her scents, etc.

Say by now Jack has strong feelings for Mary. He cannot help feeling the instinct to look after and protect Mary, to make her happy and to provide her needs and wants as best he can. Additionally, he is very attracted to her, and thinks that she is gorgeous and beautiful, and he can’t help thinking and feeling so. He thinks she has such great this and that and doesn’t see any flaws. And he can’t help articulating this to her, that he thinks that she is beautiful.

Some argue that had he not thought she was pretty, he wouldn’t have felt anything for her that was of a romantic nature. But that is wrong; because that assumes very cynically that every step of feeling along the way was deepened after a realization that she was prettier and prettier. This does not take into account the possibility that the feelings can happen in parallel that first the feeling comes, and then he finds her attractive. And as long as he continues to have feelings for her, and continues to love her, also in the verb sense of the word, he will continue to have wild desire for her and to think that she is very attractive.

This helps to explain some issues.

It is a strange human phenomenon that those whom we once found irresistibly attractive can fall by the wayside when we no longer have romantic feelings for them. Secondly, it also explains why it is difficult to feel strong desire for those who might be objectively and commonly judged as ‘better looking’ than our loved ones.

These 2 facts, and the possibility that they may be true for some men, are immediately dismissed from the word go, merely based on the fact that we are men, and are hence unfairly lumped into the same category as 90% of the other slimy specimens who unfortunately also occupy the same category.