Of trips and islands

I was looking forward to this business trip, up North, to Penang. Things were settling with Joanne, my progression with her and our relationship was progressing well and our plans to go to Sydney were being discussed on a much more concrete and solid basis, with our resignation dates all planned out. Career wise, things haven't been exactly roses, but keeping in mind the big picture, I was satisfied with its status and progress. Currently rolling out a national initiative that would soon place the entire distribution of our products directly under my control, I would then be able to use this platform to launch a drive into regional markets. Things were pretty much in control, happy, progressing well, and I had no complaints.

There is someone who was once a very big part of my past and was very important to me. However, that belonged to the past, we had our times and our era, but situations have changed and given the chances that we had to rectify things but let slip, there are no more chances as well. Feelings, the most important motivational factor for a relationship to have a reason to exist, is also gone. Hope is beyond reach. Trying to let her down as gently as possible, I have accelerated my attempts to point out to her the futility of her endeavours, and to tell her gently to move on and not waste her life pining for one who would never return, and to go and find someone whom can bring her the happiness she wanted but could not get from me. It is occurring to me that perhaps all this could be leading her on, and I think it is time to fully extricate myself, as holding on to the past is hampering the ability of the present and future to occur. Perhaps this is the biggest favor I can now do her, from a humane point of view, and given we had spent the better part of a decade together.

But my efforts and concentration and attention are now solidly on the present and future. Coming up here on this business trip, I was so looking forward to visiting Joanne's house and school where she grew up in and spent her formative (clearly presenting lots of experiences which shaped that character) years. Took the ferry over from the island to the mainland, and was filled with thoughts of those people in HK who take the ferry to the mainland, and to this Tony Parsons book where his character met his wife on one of those rides.

The ride was good, filled with good emotions, anticipation, memorable flitting in and out of possible novel plots ( my eternal wish: write a bestseller!) and was only occasionally interrupted by the Indian lady behind me rubbing her feet together while kicking my laptop. It was surely the most convoluted display of breastroke I've ever seen.

Dinner (albeit late) with Jo's mum went well, and it was great to feel her warmth and caring. Cullen was his usual sullen self, but I've come to expect it from Jo's cousins. Desmond is the one whom I really do care strongly about, and Cullen too, I am fond of him, but as for the Sydney siders, it is to my regret that I find no favour with those who find none with me. Yes, you can judge the sin, but you have to live your life by that Book upon which you strongly profess to be a strong upholder of it's Word. Really, let he who hath no sin cast the first stone, and let no man judge another man.

But nevermind.

So this was a good trip, and I truly did feel a slight thrill. Business trips always do that for me, though the last one down South was spoilt. But ah, anyway. This was was in the totally opposite direction, metaphorically and literally. Checked into the hotel, and had previous fantasies of taking a nice shower, a bath possibly, and wandering about with my laptop and perhaps sitting in the lounge or Coffeebean (that hot chocolate? It's to die for!) and typing away and blogging away. It's been a while since I have had this lifestyle of mobility and Internet access on the go with my laptop. And I miss it so!

In the end, more shattering revelations about my conduct and others' conduct and its implications on me altered the mood. And I ended up tapping away on the keyboard intermittently through the night, and now it is morning.

A hot bath (complete with jacuzzi, oh boy) later, and I shall post this off, from my room, before I head down to meet with Pat to continue Day 2 of work. Breakfast will be skipped, due to the lack of appetite.

Well, work beckons. Realities of life.