Collectively, all the pressures and issues burdening me down have really stressed me to a burn out point. I have been trying hard to be strong and remain impassive and calm, collected and in control of the situation, not letting it show, not worrying and burdening those around me, but I feel that it is time to take action.
Right now, the most pressing is work. At work, for the last 2.5 years since I joined, I have been a loyal soldier. I have been an exemplary employee, winning awards and praise along the way, being regarded as a star performer. The future for me here is bright. But recent events, departmental developments, and a series of unfortunate events (quite unlike that of Lemony Snicketts’) have drove home and highlighted to me that the timing is ripe. If my intention is to develop my career here, I will be a fool not to tolerate this for another year, as I will definitely be promoted then, which would cause my salary to be put in quite a comfortable zone for someone my age. However, since I have been considering moving to Australia, I now find it a very attractive option to go back there and service my PR before it expires. I do not want to go into detail, but after talking to a few people, and sitting back and taking stock of my situation from an entirely objective standpoint devoid of emotion, I have concluded that I want to leave as soon as possible, and since a 3 month notice is required, I will be tendering in April.
It is not easy making such a decision, especially walking away from a company that I have invested so much into. I have learnt a lot here, made some lifelong relationships, and meaningful friendships, spent many a significant moment there, enjoyed some of life’s milestones there etc. When the day comes, I will be very sad, but a man has to do what a man has to do.
Looking to the future, I am filled with doubt, but which successful venture has started out with a guaranteed knowledge of the outcome? Nothing worth doing is easy to try. We have to break from our comfort zone. First up is the industry I want to go into. Secondly, what job? To answer these, I have already narrowed it down to 3 industries. Within those industries, I will apply to whatever I stand a chance with, and from the process and outcome, I hope to be able to discover which exactly I want. I have been deciding for so long now, that it’d be insane to continue what I’m doing and yet expect the results to be different. Might as well try and start applying to all, see the responses I get, and from there, I can know better my chances and interests, and hence eliminate options and depending on the offers incoming, perhaps something will jump out at me.
The next worry is the Australian work culture. Having been there for 6 years, I can state that I do have a real fear of fitting in. In the engineering industry, I don’t expect to have a problem, but when it comes to commerce, I am worried. I have to confront the different mentality and culture that is inherent in members of a different industry, and also deal with cross cultural issues. Over here in Malaysia, the racism is such that they think you are better and hence they need to clip your wings. Over there, they think that they are better and hence you don’t even have a chance to show you have wings. And having managed several projects during my industrial training, I have to say that Australians respond to a very different type of management style compared to Malaysia. Anyway, time will tell, and if I decide to move, when in Rome, I will adapt, be a chameleon, and act like the Romans. I just hope and must believe (and pray) that I have it in me.
Of course, one way to think about things is that regardless of the outcome trust that God will not let me bite off more than I can chew. That there is a grand plan behind this all, that he is using me for his reasons. And that I can rest assured that if I submit to him, all these human feelings will be lessened. Getting a job probably wouldn’t be too difficult; securing the right one might be tricky.
There is another big insecurity with moving to Australia, totally unrelated to my work, haunting me which I cannot say, but must dealt with myself. It is a mark of immaturity or perhaps some sort of inadequacy buried deep inside, and that must be courageously faced and tried to be dispelled with.
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