People, it's always people

Of course, as a manager, a major component is people management. Such skills cannot be taught. It can be learned. But most of all, it is an extension of your personal beliefs.

It was highlighted to me by a boss that

1. Your beliefs shape your principles.
2. Your principles shape your actions.
3. Hence your beliefs shape your actions.

When dealing with people, I have always tried to balance that thin line btween my deliverables and their welfare. If one is sincere, others can feel it. I want to be a humane manager. Yet, I have never been afraid to punish. I do not punish incompetence or accidental mistakes. I do punish repeated mistakes, inability to learn despite training, laziness, irresponsible, selfish, etc. I will not hesitate to sound off or kick a guy out, and I have done so, if he repeats misdemeanors despite warnings.

But I try to be fair. A fair manager will earn his men's respect. I believe in giving them incentives, rewards, and will not hesitate to do that at my own expense. I also have no qualms with praises and well deserved breaks and rests. Am v generous with that if they are not slacking off. Also, if one shows that he has the qualities, and can consistently wow his men by the wisdom of his actions (which they do not see initially but blindly follow his instructions until the reason clicks n suddenly bcomes clear), he has them eating out of his hand.

I have been informed that my confirmation is a foregone conclusion, and upon that, they have already identified a place for me. In this new role, those who report to me, and there are MANY of those, are currently on v good terms with me. I know that when I lord over them, the story will be different.

Already a fellow colleague has confided in me that after her promotion she feels very lonely and sad and life gets lonely up in the ivory tower. Those who used to be considered friends now are a bit cautious as they report to her.

I am unsure of what the future holds. In that role, I know due to the demands, I need to be tough, much much tougher, and learn not to take no as an answer. Hence I know this will jeopardize our rships. But if I am soft, deliverables might not be met. Balance..balance...it's all about the people.

Work reflections

While managing major projects, I of course encounter all sorts of scenarios that stretch me and are out of my comfort zone. Nothing of course goes perfectly all the time. When that happens, I need to sort out the situation, and take corrective and preventive action. To take it a step further, a good manager would be able to predict, anticipate, prevent, minimize the risk of, recognize, potential or impending screw ups.

To do the above, I utilize various approaches I picked up to issues like people management, decision making, crisis handling, plans deviation, operational, technical, managerial, etc.

When I sit down and think about the way I have handled the above, and then try to trace back where I might have picked up that approach, it does not cease to amaze me to discover the influences that shaped my life, and how unapparent that was back when I was experiencing it. Really, our capacity to absorb and implement consciously and unconsciously what we want to is quite astounding.

Some of my influences date back to the time when I started off as a waiter and then made my way up to the supervisor role at this fancy arse high class restaurant back in Melbourne. Other experiences date from the time I worked at Subway. Yet other experiences came from my first job with EY. But what really shaped me is this toughass 2 year MT programme that I have been on for almost 2 years.

I carried with me my current attitude into all those prev jobs and this one, that belief in myself, that faith that I know I can do it, the thorough application of myself, willingness to make sacrifices, going the extra mile, being hardworking, sucking it up, not shying from tough stuff, and refined it. But in terms of the way I think, the way I approach and solve problems successfully, all that was inculcated and ingrained in my time here.

Looking back on it, it doesn't seem to matter what industry I am in, what I did, from waiter to auditor to the current. It seems like I have always been successful. Yet, I was not trained for ANY of these jobs. It was totally new fields. Hence, it is yet another form of proof that I know if I leave this job/industry, although I would have to start all over again, I would definitely do well. I know now conclusively, whatever I do, if I carry the same attitude, even if its another industry, I can do it. The doubts have been dispelled; are there no longer. It is, more than anything, the 3 elements of luck, character and aptitude that really defines and determines how well or how far you go in life professionally.

Knowing this is a relief, because a lot of people remain trapped in their jobs due to fear of being unable to handle a new job. They want more money, but more money means a higher role and more responsibility, and it is that uncertainty in themselves that stops them from doing something other than what they are currently doing.

I certainly do not regret doing those part time jobs. When I have kids, they will definitely have to go through similar experiences. I want them to grow up tough and strong inside, not some wimp who bends and breaks at adversity.

The matchmaking agency

"What the world needs now..is love..sweet love..it's the only thing..that there's just..too little of."
Uttered gracefully by Dionne Warwick. Is it always true? Nope. Why?

Everybody is trying to set me up with somebody. Enough! I don't want! I already know who I want, and I don't intend to waver unless it becomes something impossible. Apparently my mum's friends are looking for nice decent boys for their 'nice lovely single daughters' and somehow I have been dragged into the pic. OK, #1, I am no nice decent boy. As of now, I officially put a halt to such scandalous activities.

Next. My friends have been trying to 'out of the kindness of their hearts' recommend their colleague/excolleague/ex uni friend/housemate whoever. Why? Just because I live a bachelor life here running ard by myself n getting into all sorts of trouble n overworking n am dropping weight...so out of concern, they are hoping I'd meet a nice girl to settle me down.

Next. My Procurement department is trying to hook me up with one of our suppliers. Their entire department is so active on this its like their KPI depends on it. Being painfully shy, and they being painfully obvious, I had to 'hide' on a couple of occasions.

At any rate, I do appreciate their concern and efforts but I don't think I am so desperate for another girlfriend at this point.

Annoyed

Was happily back at the line after the prev post, only to be suddenly reminded of something loathesome.

This is related to the prev prev post. People who know me know that I don't like to do things rushed, in a haphazard manner. Things must b steadied and stable before progress to the next level is made. And i believe in working hard, that there is an intrinsic reward in that, and that the fruits of such labour will come, blah blah, that there is no shortcut to success blah blah. although the banking industry is doing very very well to dispel those thoughts and stir up severe doubts.

so to be labelled as a not so capable person, is really pissifying. if one breaks up with ones girlfriend, and if one of the major reasons is that one makes less, it really does ...stir up weird emotions. especially if one makes more relative to the rest of the population, except when compared to banking, where even idiots are paid eye poppingly astronomical sums for shoddy shit.

Whirlwind, black holes and revelations

OK, back from checking the line. Took 30 mins. Things are cool. Well, I've calmed down a bit after venting on mhy prev post so shall now switch to something urgently building in my mind. Back to ... my escape. My refuge. I.e. the private world of me alone with my thoughts. Ahh...life is more bearable with these moments.

I've always loved Muse's Starlight. But the last couple of months, up to this wkend, really, is described to a T by the lyrics. Hopes. Expectations. Black holes. Revelations. Its been an emotional journey, filled with work/personal/work/personal, although luckily, if all goes well on schedule, there would be light at the end of the tunnel soon for the work part, a brief respite. I am not sure if the work is the respite from the personal, or vice versa, as both are equally taxing and occupy fully all of my waking hours (20 a day I would estimate) btween them, although having one helps in the dealing with of the other, and i shall let you ponder which is which.

seems like the entire wkend has been a journey of shuttling to and fro from work to 'ABC related activities', with intermittent pit stops at home to shave/sleep/shower.

but u know wat? its been a most memorable, a great wkend. of course, the work part is a severe distraction to the abc part, though sooner or later i will have to concentrate more fully on that. and its really not fair to the other participant of abc, really really not fair at all, to leave things hanging in such a state. but i am happy for abc to have happened.

so much to say, so little ability to say it. best not to say it. ahh.. my typical philosophy.

Morally weak, me

Very boring post coming up. Just a need to verbalize and articulate certain thoughts that perhaps might help to provide clarity and form to structure my thoughts a little. But with my meandering prose, I doubt it.

It is with great tiredness that I am typing this so please do try to overlook generously any extra-than-normal typos, spelling mistakes, inarticulateness and general shoddy grammatical errors.

Dating from the middle of last week, I have averaged 3 to 4 hours of sleep per night, mainly with work requirements, that take up inhuman hours. Taking the current situation for example, I had to plan to go back in from 12 plus am til ... later this afternoon at least 12 plus pm. This on top of the already excessive hours I am throwing in these few days. Of course, it is not necessary, strictly speaking. But, as a key project personnel for this particular key project, the onus is on me to ensure that we deliver on time, in full, at good quality, and with the minimum of rejects. And, given the competence level of the general workers I am given, the type of rework required for this project, the required output rate and other deliverables requirements, and most important of all, the competence level of the fellow colleagues whom I am tryin to help (own initiative, cant blame anyone), the constraints placed on me due to other reasons, the project really requires this contribution from me at this stage. I am not want who is wont to complain excessively, highlight all my constraints and problems in order to emphasize my achievements, or basically crow too much about my situation, so I will stop here.

Sure, I could close one eye, but that is not my style. If something is associated with me, I do not want negative connotations. Not because I want to 'have a good name' etc, but it is just a personal responsibility, philosophy and a general disability to reconcile my conscience if i do things shoddily. No way I can let out anything if I knew it wasnt being done to the best, if there was room for improvement which is not acted upon.

However, it requires a certain strength of character to keep doing all this type of stuff, to live a life filled with these episodes, and increasingly, I am doubting my own integrity and moral fortitude, that I have what it takes. Pls allow my explanation.

When I look around me, I see a world with gross unfairness, gross uneven distribution of financial profits derived from every individual's contribution to their work, if you compare these indivs effort/competence/responsibility. I have known this all along, and it has been driven home, the point has been rammed in, again and again, leaving me with no doubt that any role of mine in supply chain is alwiz going to be secondary to other positions. Other depts, other staff, with far less competence, level of responsibility to their work, etc, are wayy more rewarded for what contributions they provide relative to me and the people ard me. In terms of training, comp and ben, holidays, working hours, environment, etc.

I am sick and tired of people talking about salaries, comparing incomes, being impressed by fat figures, judging a person's competence, intelligence and worth by the size of their paychecks. This is happening a lot lately and it just busts me up and finally I have to complain coz I just want to vent.

In other industries, people with much less character, competence, etc, are way more generously rewarded. People in banking are obscenely compensated for what they do. I don't begrudge them. But when I see people who do what they do, and the requirements necessary to do that, and the paychecks they pull for the sacrifices they make, and compare it to my situation, although my overall paycheck per month doesnt pale too much comparatively, the amount of sacrifices and watnot renders my per hour rate a very very paltry figure indeed. They do much less to make much more.

And that everyone places the worth, capability, intelligence, blah blah of a person by that criteria, i.e. his salary, is v hard to take, because it apparently reflects that some fatso ooozing buckets of slick charm, a gift of the gab, with no real competence or responsible attitude or whatever, is considered much more an achiever than me. He is looked upon with shining wonder respect and admiration, everyone thinks that such sleazy banking/marketing/HR types are soo soo powderful and us operations type people are like...uneducated low earning slaves..And to forever slog away like this and be regarded as inferior to people who I consider myself not inferior to, is difficult for me to take. Blame it on my ego, call it whatever you will, but this is the truth and it is getting harder to tolerate. So, my morals aren't as good.

I am not seduced by the money. I am not even seduced by the reputation or connotated implications of my manhood or capability or whatever. But it is fucking annoying that my lifestyle is cramped due to the sacrifices, for so little reward. If I could make more, I'd then be able to do more travelling, save up, and... well, I don't think anyone in this world has a problem with knowing not what to do with extra money.

OK...yawn...gonna check the line for a sec, be rightttt back.

Just a moment please

Have you ever thought, you know wat, I'd like such and such a thing to happen.
And you have never felt like that before. Then it dominates your thoughts.
But you think it out and you realize, that stuff is so ... excellent...and that you are comparatively so unexcellent...that it would never happen. Not with you. And you can rationally and logically list down why. And some more, when you keep seeing signs (which you later realize are misinterpretations or something) that prove you right.

So you crush and stifle, stamp and psyche out all these things. Of course its difficult, but you try your best, do what you can, and whatever happens, happens. Then just when you accept the situation, resign yourself to that fact (which you realize later isnt really a fact) make your plans to take this into account, done your despairing and drowning your sorrows bit, etc etc, suddenly, things totally and unexpectedly take a backflip and you realize, that, there is a possibility.

Only 2 paths to take, yet so many things to consider, and so many possible consequences.

Respect your gifts

It has been pointed out to me many times before that I look young, a year or 2 younger than my real age. This would be a problem if I was looking to date older girls, coz most girls do not like going out with someone who looks like their kid brother. Of course, my logical brain would say: well Alex, if you are drawn to older girls, and you cant help looking young, find an older girl who doesnt mind it. Ah, wise words.

Well, how we look, really, youthfulness or not, a lot of it is your genes, lifestyle, diet, and god's gifts. Coz considering my lifestyle of v v late nights, extreme sleep deprivation, terrible diet, a starvation of proper, consistent exercise, inbibing/ingesting/inhaling toxic substances...super stress at work, late hours in physically demanding conditions...I should look like I am 40 by now.

Hence I have decided to really infuse some discipline in my life. I admit I have not faithfullly followed my resolutions for the year. Although it is v good progress from last year. I don't want to look old and haggard before my time. I want to be one of thouse eternally youthful and healthy looking types. Hence...discipline discipline discipline!

First one up: earlier nights.

Charity

Charity.You should never do it unless you truly truly want to commit some time and effort to it.Or, you did it not really due to sincerity anyway. Why?

Because...you know when you visit old folks, abandoned folks, etc? What, just rock up one pleasant, fine, sunny morning. And then play some songs for them on the guitar, talk to them, listen to their life stories, for like 5 minutes..and then spend 1 hour taking photos presenting hampers and doing the corporate thingies. And then snapping photos of their squalid living conditions and of them lying in bed as if they were mere animals.

And then when the time is up, walking away from them never again to think of or visit them. Just like that, a breath of fresh air in their lives, make them happy if only for an instant, and then, when we have given them hope and happiness, to wrench it away and plunge them back into the abyss of misery and undignified existence which is the story of the remaining of their lives. Isnt that more cruel, when they are so lonely and starved of love?

It is a bit like... a hungry man...who is alwiz destitute n starving...and then.. u offer him one bite of a KFC drumstick..and then.. u remove it and forever leave him to his dry hard bread.

I have decided never again to volunteer for anything unless I can maintain a sort of commitment. Otherwise, it really seems to myself that it smacks of insincerity. And it eats at me. I went to this ... home for the homeless a lil while ago, just to be a kind of companion for the day, and although it was a really short visit, insufficient time to form lasting bonds or rships, it does cross my mind that just for a lil while we brought some sunshine into their lives and then we never return. And every Sunday they might be awaiting our return.

I will do a follow up visit. Not out of charity or pity. Not out of easing guilt, which isnt really there. But more of... I want to do this. I don't know how many of you understand this.
Ah, I could definitely say this better, but the point is not really to articulate myself clearly and display my extremely well documented, self confessed and non existent amazingly bad powers of describing my emotions.

Pamper me silly

Hanging around Plaza Damas and the Hartamas Shopping Centre the last few days, I’ve come to realize the place is not bad for hanging out. Was in a dreamy state, checking out youth fashion, eating little kuihs, and then walked past Body Glove while they played a song that used to be one of my favs and that I listened to a lot back when I wandered the streets of Melbourne. Kiroro – Nagaiaida. Plenty of interesting shops, nice eateries, Empire records, and even The Times bookshop.

But it seems like the shops for spa treatments, body massage, Thai massage, facials, skincare, dental care, all sorts of care, all designed to enhance your assets, hide your imperfections, are flourishing. Filled with the comings and goings of young ladies, middle aged ladies, old ladies, ladies with babies, with maids in tow, rich tai tais. Corporate execs. Bored housewives. Everything, the whole gamut of the clichéd typed of clientele who would be able to afford to frequent such establishments.

They must be doing a roaring trade. There are plenty of these, and they are mushrooming up all over town. All these places, with the sole objective of helping you feel more relaxed and to exit their centres calmer, more at peace. Or to help you look better. Or feel better about yourself. Just lying around being pampered scrubbed, tweaked, etc.

And it seems to me, the majority of people definitely can’t afford it. To them, their daily worries are about how to save enough to pay off the car, how to pay off the loan and prevent the bank from taking back the house, how to save enough to send their kids overseas, how to save enough for retirement, how to make more money, how to make their business grow. They barely have care or concern for such luxuries that other people take for granted and cannot live without.

I asked an overworked aunt the other day, hasn’t she ever thought of lying down and being pampered like that. And she replied, with an honestly blank look on her face, “what the heck are you talking about?” I then told her, “God gave us this, He made us like this, so we should be happy about the way we are, and if He thinks we are beautiful enough, then we are beautiful enough for everyone else. We don’t NEED touchups. But haven’t you ever thought of, u know, touching up your er eyebrows or something?” she just laughed and said I obviously have too little to worry about.

All these rich tai tais. Sitting around the house. Nothing better to do except go for their manicure, pedicure, pouring out their lonely heart problems to these professionals (the majority, not all) whose real skill is in pretending to listen attentively and nodding enthusiastically, urging their clientele to go on go on while applying their minimal half baked skills.

I can understand if 1 genuinely loves beautiful nails and needs a relaxing massage and spa, esp if 1 is in a stressful environment. But if you are a rich tai tai, with nothing better to do, wouldn’t it be much more fulfilling, much more enriching, and make u much more happier, to do something more meaningful with your time and money? Rather than yet another beauty session. If you really need all this to keep your husband, then it really goes to show you have very little substance, and you chose the wrong man to marry.

Bye bye MAS

It is pure stupidity to expect anything other than the same damn results when you keep doing the same damn things.

Perwaja Steel.
Restructuring of local banks
Proton.
MAS.

They are fucking up one thing after another. The great brother to corruption bleeding this country dry is incompetence. Before long, mark my words, MAS will go down Proton's road, and then look for a partner to merge with. And they will again drag it out, and the govt will impose conditions on the partner, which no sane partner will accept, until in the end, we become desperate, and offer all sorts of un heard of perks, just to attract someone, and in the process, completely sell out the organization.

Haven't we heard it all before? Proton, laucnhed to much fanfare. Rose like a rocket. Reports of ineptness. Bad quality, bad service. Blah blah. Cocky. Blow up.

Same thing happening to MAS! Wake up. Can the people see that this govt is running things down the drain? 70% flight delays. Overselling tickets to flights by a more than accepted margin. This is crazy.

Look for Air Asia to enter the picture.

Stop.. eating!

It is a sad state of affairs indeed that mankind is stuffing themselves to death.
It is an even sadder state of affairs that mankind are the ones marketing pushing n selling crap shit like popcorn in cinemas and all food with noisy plastic wrappers.
But it will be a black day indeed the day I get up and start stabbing stabbing stABBING the bastards n bitches sitting around me because I'm really getting pissed off at people who cant seem to control their frickin mouths for 1.5 hours.
I get it if you're hungry. Or if you want popcorn. But I expect roughly 30 mins into the film you should more or less wrap up what you're eating. Or have the consideration not to open the noisy plastic wrappers or slurp noisily or grovel noisily for popcorn at inappropriate moments. So I get frickin pissed when people are still shoving food into their mouths, slurping, opening wrappers, halfway into the show, spoiling all the moments.
The other evening, this woman started QUARRELLING with her someone else beside her in the middle of the show.
I mean, can't you control yourselves?
Stop..frickin...eating noisily. Is that really so hard to follow? WIll you keel over n starve to death? Will you?

When violence is justified

Turn the other cheek! Violence is never justified! Oh yea, yea, right. Gimme a break u idealistic craps.

Allow me for a while to assume I have superior martial arts fighting skills.

I would not hesitate to take down someone if the person was harming someone else. Yep, taking the law into my own hands, I am the law. I hear these stories of people going around robbing, killing, raping, beating up, cutting tendons. It is getting more and more brutal each fucking day. And I am supposed to just fucking sit around and hope it doesn't happen to someone I love, or hope and pray this stuff will stop, or that the cops will catch these fucktards?

uh uh. Don't think thats gonna happen anytime soon.

I hate sitting around on my scrawny haunches. Give me a stick, a good stout stick aka Little John's, and super teleport speed, and a black belt in Karate. I would peer into my little crystal globe, and where there is a rape/rob/kill/cut tendon case about to happen, I would appear, and absolutely mutilate the shit out of the motherfuckers. If they steal, I would break their fucking fingers so they can never again steal. If they rob, I would break their elbows so they can never again hold a parang. If they rape, I'd tie them up, get them erected, and then slice away their penis inch by inch. And pour lemon juice on it after each slicing. If they kill, I'd get their loved ones in front of them, and kill them slowly, one by one, in front of the motherfucker. And then take him out.

Justice, my style.

Oh yea I'm racist. Shoot me.

The theory goes:

Rich Chinese businessmen take care of the Chinese.
The Government takes care of the Malays.

And ... so who the fuck takes care of the Indians?

The Government takes care of the Malays. That is half true. Its pretty straightforward. People in govt want to take care of themselves, make hay while the sun shines, while they are in power. So they have to remain in power. By getting voted by the people. Largest electorate = Malays. Hence, give some goodies to the Malays. As a by product of this, the Malays are looked after by the govt.

The rich Chinese businessmen...do NOT take care of the Chinese. True, some of the associations and clans do, but by and large, the scale is so small that it would be inaccurate as a general reflection. Rich Chinese tycoons just want to get richer and they are only concerned with how to get their savings into foreign banks. But by and by, we are well insulated in a sense because among the lower to middle class, there is still a strong sense of community, especially among SMEs, that we should look after our own, because no one else will.

For the Indians, I see a problem. Think about it. The drivers are often Indians. Bus drivers are Indian. Road sweepers. Toilet cleaners. Hospital nurses. Gardeners. The poorest, most downtrodden in society, those left to do the most menial of jobs, one level (in many cases, not even that) above foreign imported cheap labour. When I was a baby, my mother said the Indian nurses would steal my nappies and Pampers.

People occupy themselves with the plight of the poor and downtrodden in other countries, in other continents. But RIGHT IN OUR OWN FUCKING BACKYARD, we have tragedies galore, that are being swept under the carpet. Journey into a plantation, any plantation, and you will see entire communities of Indians, neglected, births of babies unregistered, burial sites of newborns unmarked, faces pockmarked by disease, limbs rendered incapacitated, leprosy, YES leprosy, which is supposedly wiped out, domestic abuse, way below minimum wages, physical violence is alwiz a threat, malnutrition, rape, incest, botched abortions. Where is the MIC? Where is Semi-fucking-value?

I refuse to just sit and talk about things I have no control or no contributory powers to. I rather talk about something I can have an effect on. Have joined an organization that helps to highlight their plight, and in my free time, take part in activities meant to raise funds for these kids, as well as provide them with basic medical/education kits.

Who the hell looks after the Indians?

Why are our most terrible, poverty ravaged communities Indian? Why are our crime infested areas also heavily Indian-populated? Why is Klang turning into a gangster town? Why did Bangsar become an Indian-jockey controlled area? Why did we have to shut down some of my favourite mamak stalls, when all they wanted was to earn a decent and honest living, and now, they have to resort to crime?

True, we are responsible for our actions. We must help ourselves. God helps those who helps themselves.

But how many times have we been discriminate in our selection, based on skin? Is it worst to joke about them but yet do something, or, not to joke, but, to do nothing? When they want a job, they are turned away based on skin color. When they want higher education, they are refused loans and scholarships. Right at the start, with poverty a constant throughout their generations, its already hard to make that breakaway first step.

They need that breakaway first step, that push towards an education, a clean and decent home and lifestyle.

The MIC? Semi value? Lets wake up and see these profiteers for what they really are.

Be careful what you wish for

I have always thought that I'd fall in love with a great romantic. Someone who shared many traits with me of a particular kind. And I wished that I'd meet just such a person. Someone who would not hesitate or blink to do things that I would not hesitate or blink of doing. We'd not be prudent, we'd not be financial misers, we'd know how to enjoy life, we'd appreciate things, we'd sing in the rain, we'd slip notes into each other's pockets, send SMSes to each other...

But sometimes of course, our wishes go unanswered, and we might not realize it at first, but eventually, we realize that it all works out well. Instead, we get someone who is that much more sensible, more unspontaneous, who prefers well made plans, who is not into surprises and adventures.

I'm not going to go into the stuff about how differences attract, how we can't fall in love with our mirror image, how we should embrace our differences. Thats been all well said, by people who can say it better.

But we should not limit ourselves to just that set type of people we started out wanting. We'd never find someone who fits that mould. The chances are impossible. And it is not settling for second best if we meet someone who perhaps does not satisfy all the criteria, but has other good stuff we didnt even know. I've come to realize, the romantics are the most dangerous. Their capacity to love, to love dangerously, to experience the thrills of romance, to forever want that fresh new feeling, the butterflies in the stomach, they are the ones who have difficulties facing reality when the roses wear off and life becomes a middle aged middle class existence in a middle class suburb. They are in love with being in love, with wanting.

They don't want it to end. All the nicey stuff. And they think its possible, its out there, somewhere, is someone, who is able to give them a relationship where everyday is pure romance, unbridled passion, where you just hold hands and roll through the days. Then they see their relationship, and they fail to see its good parts, fail to see what they do have, fail to see what IS love, and instead, cling on to their ideals of youthful romantic love.

And thus they are 'open' to it, hence making themselves vulnerable. These are the types who would end up straying. How many men have walked out on their families because the young pretty secretary is different? She loves me. I love her. She makes me feel passion, young, alive. Not like the cow at home, who has zero romance in her left, and everytime I come home, she has an apron on, is cutting garlic and theres 3 snotty nosed kids at home. How many women have walked out on their families because, dear Noah, this is not the life I envisioned. I never asked for this into the bargain. But Leah...Leah is different. He makes me feel like a woman. blah blah...

I'd much rather any day take the steady minded one. The one who, all said and done, does not harbor fanciful thoughts of such a nature. Who is firm about what she wants, is not wishy washy, and once set, will stay through thick and thin.

A GIRL LIKE YOU

Recently, re-reading a book I read a long time ago, back in Melb. I stumbled across the mention of a song.

It was a song that I used to love. And after stumbling across it in the book, I trawled through my music archives, found it, and listened to it again and again. Instantly thrown back in time. Can imagine it playing in the background as I fall backwards at great speed through a tunnel with lots of bright colors and alternating darkness and light. Can remember the cigarettes, the booze, the wasted degenerative lifestyle, the speeding, glue sniffing...with this soundtrack playing lustily in the background. Followed by #1 Crush by Garbage.

Perfect for loud volume, dark rooms lit by a solitary tealight, as you look concentratedly at it, damaging yourself on purpose. Drip candle wax on your arms to feel the pain and to feel alive.



The video is awesome. Any girl who dances like that...has got me. Seriously got me. It's not a difficult move.

But it's not all macabre stuff. It truly is a very sexy song.

Me Myself & I

* On a nice FRIDAY night, at 9pm, sitting around finishing up work... explains why I am qualified to speak on the below:

For various reasons, I am starting to reconcile myself to the possibility of living the rest of my days as a bachelor. Its not fun. But its a real possibility, however distinct, and thus, might as well psyche myself up for it, and prepare for just such a life.

I will not marry unless she is SHE. THE one. Don't tell me there is no such person in this world, that you just find the best you have at that moment, and make do. Don't tell me you just choose a wife, not a love of your life, and then go and mess around outside.

I refuse to believe it is true. But say I really don't meet her. I won't just force someone in my mind to fit that mould. Then I'd be just me myself and I. Nothing wrong with that.

But say I do meet her. And...maybe to me, she is everything I've ever wanted. Smart, funny, witty, sense of humor, great on the eyes, has an appetite to match mine, great music tastes, loves books, can be sporty, a genuinely good considerate warm caring human, not caught up with materialism, not a fan of money, capacity to feel, all soft n warm n curves etc. What then?

Is that the end of the story? Or just the beginning? Mate, your work has just started. What would I be to her? Would I be the same?

People always think of who/what they want, but never really who/what they are and whether what they are is really all that nice a person. Fair, if you refuse to live for anyone but yourself. Though if you are badly flawed, you SHOULD change. But far too often I see blatantly obese ppl lamenting why no supermodel-type likes them, or a severely selfish n self absorbed type lamenting why she is still single, and jealously comparing herself to her attached friend and going I'M BETTER THAN HER I'M BETTER SO WHY HAS SHE GOT SO N SO AND I ONLY GOT MESELF? I believe in cause and effect. Before you start wishing for such n such... first make sure you yourself are an upright character. Thats the only thing 100% within your control.

/me goes and takes a good self reflection.

Nostalgia at the pictures

I didn’t know this. Nowadays in cinemas, before the trailers begin, they play songs. Not just any crummy song, but a very nice selection of wonderful songs (so far in my experience). I think it’s a great idea.

So the other night, I hopped into the pictures, and they were playing “End of the Road” by Boyz II Men. I sank back in the seat, closed my eyes a bit, and allowed myself to be immediately teleported to the mid nineties. The prevailing memory is of high school dances, Halloween, Christmas, whatever. We used to have these dances in high school, a few every year, and at the end of the night, they’d play a few slow songs to end the night, and this was the time when prepubescent boys would awkwardly seek out mid-pubescent gangly nubile young girls, and in their Keanu reeves center-parted hair and squeaky voices, ask for a dance. Everything would be dark, and they’d play songs like that.

I also heard Beauty and the Beast there. Reminds me of the Disney on Ice show I went to when I was in Year 7 (that’s Form 1). A very nice incident indeed, very magical. I loved it when the lights dimmed, and the show was ending. Years later, even now, I still recall the scene, while the music is playing “off to the cupboard now chip. It’s past your bedtime. Gnite love”. Too…magical.

I am the Beast. Suffice to say, when I think about it, I do feel I am the Beast. Ugly, like a brute, easily misunderstood, but nice gentle and kind. Protective over my Beauty. You’d think it is just a Disney song. But as an adult now, listening to the lyrics again…its surprisingly good, relevant and true. Hahaha.

Then another time, they were playing…my secret childhood favorite song! It was magical (shut up, I was just an impressionable kid who had no experience with such stuff so everything was romantic okay) to me back then and is every inch as wonderful now. Aladdin’s “A Whole New World”. I remember sitting cross legged on the floor in primary school in the AV room, with a bunch, a whole horde of fidgety boys. We fidgeted and mucked through Beetlegeuse (not sure if that’s how you spell it) and Frankenstein. And I started off flicking rubber bands and whatnot as well when Aladdin was played.

Then… somehow… it stirred some stupid chord deep in me. Soon, I had shyly and unsuccessfully inconspicuously crept and crawled my way to the front of the room, ignoring the heckling from the sugar high horde I was leaving behind, right under the TV, staring up, neck craned, gawking and gaping. Totally lost in the movie, in Aladdin, in Princess Jasmine, and excitedly anxiously anticipating what would happen when in the middle of the night he showed up outside her balcony on the magic carpet and invited her to join him.

Then I was giddy with joy as she climbed onto the carpet and then, amidst the darkish atmospheric background, they soared up and the song played. Ah… can never forget that moment. A whole new world…just the 2 of them, up in the sky, nobody else alive, flying and twirling, lands whizzing past. I want that. That must be the subconscious precursor to why I relish being up late at night, feeling like I am the only person alive.

“Tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide”. And not your head. Isn’t that a wonderful line? ‘A new fantastic point of view, no one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we’re only dreaming’. I like. Appeals to the innate rebel in me whom I continuously flog to death with self comforting excuses like ‘grow up, real world, real world’ while privately saying goodbye to the core of Alex.

“Unbelievable sights. Indescribable feelings. Soaring tumbling freewheeling. Through an endless starless sky”. What can beat the experience of doing that with Princess J your loved one?

"Dont you dare close your eyes!". The spirit of youth!



“A whole new world (an eternal surprise). With new horizons to pursue. I’ll chase them everywhere. Theres time to spare. Let me share this whole new world with you”


I like the ending...when his face appears in the reflection, and then hers appears besides close by...thats like the turning point...and then her hands clasping his as they glide into the night...

Fairy Tale

My Mandarin is not good. But theres this song I really like very much.

Always understood only bits of it. FINALLY I found the translation! In an unlikely place. THIS is the song that made me want to re-learn and pickup the piano all over again.

The video is priceless. If I think back to all these times we spent together doing stupid things and laughing and acting all silly n having a gd laugh, indulging in each other...and I imagine it was us in the video and how we would no longer do all that stuff..it kills. I can so relate to that guy, and what he did. I would do the same. Its..too..painful..I can't take it.



Its funny how sometimes you'd think if, tragically, situation X happens to person A then you would react in manner Y. You'd be so sure of it. But in reality, when you really get down to it and imagine it, surprisingly, its not A or B or whoever that draws out manner Y, but it turns out to be C that really knocks you out. Who secretly wormed a way into thy heart when you were not looking, not planning, not expecting, and prob not even conscious of it, and suddenly one day it just creeps up on you that omg.

Terrible as it is, sometimes it really takes some life or death situations to knock some sense and perspective into our lives. Or to put people in their rightful places and prioritize where they fit into our lives.

A nation of incompetents

DIGI. The yellow man by right should be following me wherever I go. But it is not!!! There are plenty of places where I don’t get a signal. Even in my VERY OWN BEDROOM!! Well done u folks. Truly the smarter choice.

Do u notice how we just, as a nation, seem to accept technical glitches, crap service, crap everything? We just accept n move on. Hence its so easy to manipulate us. We r such a malleable lot. Traffic lights spoilt? Ok la just.. jam jam jam like fuck and use pure aggression n close eyes n just hentam through. No power? Ok la just suffer the unbearable heat n keep calling tenaga just to get their response maaf tuan cable dah rosak. Streamyx problems? Thank you for calling TMNET hotline. Please hold as all our operators are busy at the moment. Your call is important to us. Beethoven plays.

Sigh. Gotta launch a frickin molokov cocktail into their premises. But oh wait I got a better idea. Since we r just supposed to just accept incompetency right? What I propose is that I shud get my hands on a bunch of condoms, perhaps poke a hole in it, perhaps expose it to extreme light, then leave it in the aforesaid unsuspecting doofus rooms, and when their contraception don’t work…heh heh…I’d send them a nice little note with a dose of their own medicine.

But wait. Their poor wife is innocent. Ok cannot.

Just cut the fucker’s brakes.

Ok cannot might hit some innocent guy.

Bloody hell…so unfair. Just stuff itchy powder down his underpants! Oh yea, that would be good.

Big Brother - 1984

“Russell…somebody gonna get the hurt…I’m not telling you who…but I think you know him very well.”

A few years back…I think 3 or 4 years ago it was, a friend lent me a disc containing Russell Peters (he recycles his jokes) stand up acts, and of course, his more famous ones.

About half a year ago, I was v excited with the news that he was gracing our shores. A few wks later, I heard his show was cancelled as the govt did not allow him to perform here.

We are in the 21st century. Everyone is trying to open up. We have been an independent country for 50 years. The ruling party has been in power ever since. Yet the Govt remains still so paranoid, ignorant and utterly narrow minded in its insecurity.

I believe insecurity only comes about when one secretly (perhaps in denial even to oneself) suspects what one fears to be true is true. So our Govt perhaps cannot take the prospect of being poked fun of, being fodder in a satirical stand up act, or whatever. I mean, you racist pricks, what gives man? What gives you the moral imperative to decide for me what is good or not for me? For fuck’s sake, fuck off, start to govern, and let us denied masses have our dose of fun.

Watching movies in cinemas with parts dubbed off. Isn’t that infuriating as hell? Way back when, everytime when Rachel leaned in to kiss Ross (if u don’t know what I’m talking about, walk to your kitchen, see that knife rack there? Grab the bluntest one and proceed to stab urself slowly to death u poor wretched bugger u), the scene would stop like when she was still halfway to Ross’ soon to be lucky lips (to some, but not me) the scene would suddenly jump without any smooth splicing or linking and the next moment u’d see something entirely different. Obviously its been censored. HELLO?!!?

I just hate that this stupid rotten government decides it has the right to dictate what is moralled or not for us. Part of this resentment comes from the fact that they shud b doing a better job governing so concentrate on that more, and another part stems from the fact that if they were so moralled, we wouldn’t have so much corruption n watnot.

Which brings me to another point. Seriously, whats the point of hoisting our kids off to moral and ugama lessons, when we all come out twisted as hell anyway? Where are the orderly bus queues? Where are our Ps and Qs? Where is the give up ur seat for the old/pregnant women? We know that we KNOW what is the right thing to do since we all go for these classes (I didn’t…different school, diff edu system, diff syllabus so I have a v good excuse to shove u off the bus or to generally act like a right ragamuffin) so whats stopping us from doing it?

Brother

How do you become a good brother? How can I fit into the shoes of a father figure, a man, at a young age?

Ever since I came of age and became sentient, which to me is circa the age of 12/13/14 (everything before that is a blur of … nvm), I have been aware of the fact that my younger sister is growing up in a family with 1 mother who is always busy n working, 2 sisters who are years older and caught up in their own stuff, and one demented half sane brother (aka me).

I started going out and hanging out in society. And I saw many girls from families that don’t shower the girl with love/understanding etc or guidance…and these girls became easy prey to the many predators lurking around, some of which rank among my friends. I didn’t want my sister to end up like them. i decided that they were best taught while young n impressionable, and not wait til they were older and jaded n beyond saving, that some of the girls i know are, or even some of my friends' younger sisters. so i also nagged at my friends to be better elder brothers.

So, since she was young, I tried to teach her good, and set myself to be a (reasonably la, I’m not perfect!) role model. I tried to be honest, responsible at home, reliable, all that good stuff, do well at school, exercise, things like that. And I spent a lot of time listening to her talk about her crushes, hopes, fears. Spent a lot of time listening, advising, sharing experiences. I believe 1 of the worst things a child growing up can face is to face the world on her own. I wanted to be that father figure, to be that safe elder brother for her to run to. To be her first alternative in times of trouble. At least someone in the family knows what she is up to right? To sort of make her feel some semblance of loved/protected by the elder brother. And helped her sort out many of her problems.

On the whole I would think I did okay. She still looks up to me, respects me, and listens to me. And always compares her poor bf to me and telling him what to be like me more. Haha.

Of course, growing up, there were times where a brother just wasn’t good enough, and I had to rope in my sisters to do the whole birds bees period talk.

Ok that’s besides the point.

The point is…I can feel her slipping away, growing up. How do I know when to let go? In my mind she is always the scared newly minted teenager who came home from school crying after being bullied and I had to use my contacts to sort out the gangster bitch. The silly girl who cried coz the girl she admired at school did not return her fancies. The girl who sat scared n stiff when the halfbaked Pathlab nurse jabbed all over her arms in order to find the vein, and I had to leap in and angrily push the nurse away. The girl whom I taught how to ride a bike. The girl whom I forced to pick up reading and now fights for my books with me. My baby sister is growing up, and becoming a lady in her own right. It is never easy is it? You always think that she is still that naïve innocent silly vulnerable girl who thought the world of you, who clung to you fiercely, clutched to my protective shell. You worry that if you turned ur eyes away, she would be cheated and hurt. As a friend aptly said, ‘…thinks that if someone offered me a sweet, I would happily hop into bed with him.’

So I am very sympathetic to parents, especially parents of girls, especially single parents of girls. My mum was one too, to 3 girls. You grow up pretty fast in a family of women, where you are required to be a man in many senses of the word before others are. Things that other guys find taboo, you are numb to it, being exposed to it before you even understood it.

So now my younger sister is talking about migrating, moving away to live, considering choosing another boyfriend who she met in Australia, all the grown up things I myself refuse to consider much. talking about things like physical attracton, and wanting a 'man'. whoa!

i hope i have, but sometimes I fear I’ve not taught her well. I fear I haven’t equipped her with the right mentality to take on the world. I fear I’ve failed. Sometimes when I feel hard, I think, I just do what I can, the rest, she lies in the bed she makes. But still, I cannot help feeling n hoping that the last decade and a bit were enough time for me to teach her well. That’s the best gift I can ever give her, while making no pretense that i'm perfect. Of course, I myself have fucked up again and again, and seen others, and that’s what I try to prevent her from going through.

At this point, she is doing the teaching, and me the learning – how to let go.

Story time!

Friends share stories right?

Whatever happened to them during such and such event...When they were at where and where, such and such happened and how it made them feel. When friends can share experiences and stories without restraint, that’s a defining moment of friendship, right?

Of course, this sounds really soppy, and in real life, guys do not talk bout such soppy stuff. We do the same thing as girls (as abovementioned) but the content, the topics are different. Some are designed to impress, but with a good bunch of friends, you just say whatever, with no design to portray any subliminal messages whatsoever.

So, what can be said, and what not? When do we practise self censorship? When is self censorship appropriate (e.g. “I jack off to images of your little sister, mother and pet dog with me in the bath tub”) and when is it really not necessary between 2 close friends (e.g. “Hey, you know, you want anything from Parkson? I kinda won a voucher which erm allows me to buy RMXXX worth of goods and I don’t need anything so if you want, we can go do some shopping.”).

A rule I have: If it serves no purpose to say it and it is purely for self glorification/adulation seeking/ego stroking etc, then don’t say it.

However, sometimes when I share my stories, to me, they might demonstrate a point, e.g. humor, sleazy people I see in clubs, the rather aggressiveness of girls today, wanting to share the spoils of my unexpected/untargeted award win, etc, but, in retrospect, it is very easy for these stories to be misconstrued as avenues through which I am trying to subtlely advertise certain aspects of myself.

When I am with the golden friends, I also don’t talk much, but when I do about such things, I expect not to be judged, and its ok, and they can do likewise. But when I start feeling I’m being judged, that’s when I know, this isn’t gold.

Corsica

So a friend introduced me to this website right?
Where its like…I searched for a couple of songs and its like got its own AI intelligence thing. It popped up on the side this recommended list of songs to suit my tastes.

That’s what I’d like to believe. Maybe true maybe not.

Point is… all the songs were good! Sitting here, work thoroughly taking a backseat, moving v slowly, stupid smile on my face.

Rosenstolz, Debelah Morgan, Van Morrison, esp my beloved Van Morrison.

Reminds me of those days in Rowden White, in btw classes, popping in for a nap, or propping myself on the cushions re-reading Tintin, listening to Van Morrison, among all the other trapped in the 70s/80s students with their retro clothing.

They even got ‘Amours Interdits’, the first classical song I learnt on the guitar! How did they know this is exactly the song I want to listen to now? And Paul Weller…this site is scary. It reads my mind / mood via my fingertips.

Honda - The power of dreams

I think teleportation would be wayyy coool.

I could very easily imagine teleporting myself all over the place in physical and time dimensions.

If there was a teleportation machine in front of me RIGHT ABOUT NOW, I know what I would do. I would take my money, some clothes, my 12 string guitar, and hop right in.

I know what time zone I want to go to. I'd go back to the 60s and 70s. And I even know precisely where. Why, London, of course! I would then also travel to America. Note I don't go the US. I go America. It sounds more magical that way. I'd show up, step out of my teleportation machine, stash it somewhere safe, grow a beard, have long hair, wear spectacles, wear tight shirts and flare out jeans, and sign up with a music magazine and be a music journalist. I'd go to Woodstock! I would then be one of the proud ones who can then say I was at Woodstock..1969. I saw Hendrix. OMFG. Hendrix! I was there for Joe Cocker. I saw Santana before he was Santana. Black magic woman. Deep Purple.

I would snort lines, say peace man, demonstrate against wars, show up fashionably late for work at my music magazine office, and not get reprimanded coz I get the articles in on time. I would listen be there watching The Doors performing 'The Crystal Ship' live, I'd watch Driftland, I'd watch Robert Plant performing 'Morning Dew'. Theres a song in the movie Almost Famous that sort of encapsulates part of the spirit - Hold Me Closer.

I would be there in the greatest era of music, the greatest era of rock n roll. But I'd still catch Sinatra, still catch the Carpenters, still catch Dean Martin. I would not watch as Billie Holiday spent her last days in B grade pubs...I would be there when Pacino goes "Say hello to my leetel fren" in Scarface just before he fills em up with lead. I would be there when Marlon Brando was still a star, when James Dean epitomized a lifestyle. I would cry when Jimi died, I would cry when Elvis died.

Ahh...and when the 70s rock to an end..I would quickly retrieve my time machine and go to the 80s...and reappear as a young fresh undergrad.

This time I would not be able to witness the tragic end of the 60s and 70s, but get onboard the bandwagon for the 80s..but the real reason I wanna be there..is for the Digital Revolution! I would get enrolled at Berkeley, and get to soak myself in my beloved UNIX systems. Too bad I no longer have the avenue to mess around with it. Back in my Melb Uni days, my fav fav subject was UNIX...shell scripting, bash kernel, LINUX, the whole works.. the names the adjectives, don't they already fill you with trembling excitement? What could bash kernel POSSIBLY mean!? Evrything makes sense, is so logical, you type and CREATE your own commands..what can beat that? Today we are hampered by what the GUI allows us.

Anyway.. yea.. I'd enrol in Berkeley..learn how to tap telecomms wires..how to twist copper wires and get free network access...we'd hack hack hack..hole ourselves up in the room all day listening to Pink Floyd, and compete to see who can hack into what top notch supposedly secure system first..the ultimate adrenaline game.. beating THE system..and when the timing is right..go into Silicon Valley and tada Bingo I'm a millionaire!

The SPG

So I went out last night, and saw again, an ugly fat balding smelly rednecked white guy with his arms possessively around and lecherously sliding up and down the lithe nubile body of a pretty young Chinese girl. Now, I would not think twice if this sort of situation is rare - perhaps they share genuine devotion to each other.

But I see this stuff often, here and across the Causeway. And that makes me wonder...ok, what if, it is NOT genuine devotion? I can't help suspecting that theirs is not a real proper genuine union based on what typical real proper unions are made of.

Which begs the question: So why are they drawn to each other, like bugs to light?

OK, lets indulge my scepticism, negativity and cynicism.

OK, for the guy, its pretty simple.
- He gets to feel loved and like a god and like he is so special
- He gets to get physical with like the exotic Asian (which is such a highly prized thing in the West for some apparently, the bastards. They call it 'into the bamboo". Now isn't that a tad racist? Bamboo?!)
- There is no way in hell he can get anything half as good in his own country, where he most likely is regarded as some type of loser, who spends his nights with his pants around his ankle, leaning back on his sofa, head lolling to one side, snoring, bits of pizza on his shirt, his jowls shiny from his drool, a half eaten pizza clutched in his meaty sweaty palms, and a can of warm beer beside his feet, while some cheap B grade Phillipino porn plays out on the TV with the sound muted.
- OK maybe there are not the loser types, but the more successful types but who are jerks and a$$hole$ anyway but score Asian girls to go home and boast about.
- Asian girls are more submissive n less assertive compared to Western girls, hence they make him feel more manly, hence, they appeal to him. This was personally told to me by an Aussie guy.
- There is a general consensus that Asian girls are smaller so .. "feels" better, if you get my drift.

For the girl:
- Prestige factor.. look, I got a white guy! Hah! I managed to snag a member of a superior race! Hence, I have something superior to you! Oooh..this is such a big thrill for my ego! I'm better than you lot already!
- There is a general misconception that white guys are "bigger" so "feels better", if you get my drift.
- Foreign currency.
- Supposedly more gentlemanly, know how to be suave, polite, etc etc.

I actually see the logic in the white guy's behavior though I might not agree to it. I mean, think about it, put urself in his shoes.

1. I've always been a loser.
2. Wow, these girls are hot!
3. Wow they think I'm the best thing since sliced bread!
4. They dig me! They want me!
5. I'd be a fool not to help myself to it.

But I am terribly unable to see the lure of the typical white git for our girls. Now let me pls add a disclaimer to all those SPGs in denial: I HAVE seen and do believe in the existence of genuinely nice, mature, sensible, thoughtful, chivalrous, gentlemanly white guys, though SOMETIMES the sleazebags can pull off that act quite smoothly. So of course this post attacks not all white guys. Maybe your ex/current/future white beau is the exception to this rule, and upholds the noble name of his type.

K, let me revert back. It is not bitterness that prompts this post. It is real puzzlement. And a desire to understand such things. And of course, sincere desire to understand can only be fulfilled by the objective and often brutal statement of the facts, as I have done above, though some might say jealous twit. But hey, seriously, whoever girl thinks like that, I don't want her anywhere near me. So, they can keep themselves, thks but no thks v much.

So the fallacy of the white man being superior et al hence she has proven she is superior to other girls...I just pity such girls. It goes to show their deep rooted insecurities n low self esteem. Hence I shall refrain from lambasting her. The type who think that white men are better endowed. Well, this blog does not desire to delve into the lurid details of the male anatomy, nor does it offer a scientific dissertation on the differences between the male genitals of the Angle Saxons compared to the Orientals. Suffice to say that if I was a girl, I'd pick the hairless, smooth, yellow complexion guy anytime compared to the soft, white, pasty, easy-to-turn-red, hairy, pink nippled, bad breathed white man.

As for the politeness and gentlemanly aspect. It is undeniable and true that Asian men do lack such fine upbringing, such is the tragedy of our society. But before we blame our men for this, cant we consider the fact that this also reflects a failure of Asian mothers to inculcate the right values in their sons? So, from that angle, we are sort of victims. Wow, amazing, the male mind to rationalize and segregate himself from all liability. Haha.

At any rate, I cannot speak for myself but I do try to behave the right way. However, it seems sometimes that this is lost on Asian women; somehow me being proper is equivalent to corny/cheesy/sleavebag/try-hard blah blah...whereas the white guy who holds the door, lets the lady enter the lift first, sits facing the wall so she doesnt have to, etc, is like wow wow. So, we are conditioned and bred to behave in a way that everyone finds acceptable.

Anyway, its time to turn my thoughts back to work. Replenishments for DSS North this week v critical.

Transformersss...robots in the skyyy!!

OK, haven't seen the show, but sure will.

My pals and I have this running joke...some girls look v hot from behind.. from the side...and then they turn around...and magically.. transform!

They suddenly don't look so good no more.

Plenty of transformers on the streets. No need to line up for ages in the cinema.

Eat drink Man woman

Fish! Hate it when this happens! A lot of nice juicy topics floating by in front of me... like little puffs of clouds ... with ideas sitting on top of em clouds.. then I reach out and retrieve em and mentally file em away for retrieval for when I have the opportunity to blog. And..now as I trawl thru my mental archives, I draw a blank result.

Bloody infuriating this.

People say its getting harder and harder to be a woman/man nowdays. OK, lets examine in superficial detail what I think are their arguments.

Harder to be woman:

- Need to fight in workplace and be as aggressive as men while..
- Balancing the family's needs such as husband & kids
- Fighting discrimination against hiring women due to management doubting mothers' commitment
- Crime increase
- Pressure to look slim and look good
- Pressure to get packed off in marriage by 28 or so [not sure bout relevance of this point]

Harder to be man:

- Pressure to be fit and muscular and tall n dark n handsome (I'm so far off I don't even bother trying anymore heh)
- Pressure to make lots n lots of $$$ ASAP, tonnes more than their women (this pressure applied by women, whether intentionally or not and whether they admit it or not)
- Confusion in being a SNAG or a Neanderthal..fusion!? new age? metro? what?!
- More pressure to make $$$
- Pressure to be smart & mature & sensible & know all the answers & never get lost on the road & fix all pipes & b as mysterious n heroic n charming etc as MOVIE stars
- More pressure to make $$$

OK. WTF? Wait! I have 1 more argument. How about..

Harder to be human:

- What kind of life do you want, now that we have so many options n possibilities and literally the world at our doorstep?
- How kind/generous/thoughtful can you be in light of constraints?
- How to balance health and other commitments n obligations?

Blah blah, lazy to think. Too time consuming. So, people alwiz say, aiyerrr, don't know what everyone/society/bf/gf/parents wants me to be la...if I am this, then so and so will feel that...

Look guys, its really simple. Just be yourself, as Audioslave says. And others can take or leave it. Theres no such thing as the perfect man/woman.

I don't care much for SNAGS or metrosexuals..hold them in slight contempt. Stuff that nonsense of knowing your facial wash from ur toner from ur watever the hell else, fuck that shit about what shampoo n perfume n crap and wanting to cook ur grilled salmon with wat the fuck basil leaves served in some big ass dish but with only a small portion while listening to your Miles Davis you wannabe pretentious prick..I've personally come across people who raided my fridge, pulled out my wine, MY V EXPENSIVE WINE, helped themself to a glass of it, did the whole requisite twirling tongue n swirl in mouth thingie, lift up glass to light to check for sediments n shit (ahoy, u wannabe sommelier, u can't fool me with ur amateur tricks though u might fool a young impressionable girl twit) and actually started hunting for crackers ..want some cheese with that? perhaps a box to the ears as well my friend? Leave that stuff for wine tasting ok? With the live jazz.

I, ahem, /me clears throat, consider myself a refined Neanderthal primal caveman. Its obvious to all who know me, as can be seen by my rough n crabby ways, all brusque n gruff (except when it comes to dealing with certain girls then cannot la, otherwise offend their fine fine sensibilities). I am an uncouth non socialite and will happily grunt my assents or dissents if permitted.

Stop trying to make $$$ to outearn Mr Lim the selfish self absorbed bean counter prick next door. Absolutely immature to feel the need for that. If you want $$$, make the reason being that you need the money for some other cause, such as, you love travelling n holidays n staying in exp hotels hence thats the price you gotta pay. And girls shud seriously stop expecting guys to be the cashcow.. its damn turn off.

OK, I'm so drifty today that I've totally strayed off any paths of logic or sequence.. everything is just 1 jumbled piece of typing without flow..woo hoo...but since I have to stay true to the philosophy behind this blog i.e. no censorship...I still gotta post this up anyway in its current form and entirety. But rest assured no animals were harmed in the writing of this post. We are like Bodyshop..no animal testing.

I'm just real sleepy...real sleepy... n refuse to work.. so.. I blog.. n hence.. incoherent..now..sorry..blue ship on the green sky..sailing light years horizon..mahatma gandhi..hello jacob.. ooh hello brer rabbit.

the friar takes flight.

Think I'll go to Boston

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Prologue:

It was a little while ago, when I sat on the bus heading South. It was a dark night, with a slight drizzle. I peered out the window and gazed at the scenery rushing by, and resisted the urge to press my nose against the icy cold window pane and watch the raindrops make lightning patterns as it landed milli microns from me. So near, yet so far. Story of my life. And the next track began to play on my music player. Boston, by Augustana. Loved it ever since.

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And so lunch time came. Desiring a dash of solitude to reflect upon the path mine life was taking, how the various paths of the people I cherish are unfolding before me and how I might want or try to endeavour that the paths of certain people remain crossing with mine [in an ideal world not only would they cross but also intertwine and then .. become a shared path], but ultimately, I am not selfish (or perhaps important enough) to warrant them to rearrange aforesaid paths to ensure it aligned with mine. And so I zoomed off alone, as is the norm nowadays for me unless I'm lunching with Darren.

And on the way back, they played that track again. So haunting and true...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Sometimes, your friends tell you they are looking for so n so and such n such. And blindingly obvious to the rest of us, is that what they are searching for is right there and it's only later in hindsight that they realize that.

If someone I care for professes a dream that they really want to achieve, regardless of my own true selfish feelings, I'd definitely help them go all the way for it. And stifle myself and not let it show. I wonder though, isnt that foolishness? Where do we draw the line between foolish and selfish?

Furthermore. Do you hold your silence and maintain status quo, or do you verbalize what when verbalized could jeopardize status quo n worse, if not mutual, destroy what you do have?

She said I think I'll go to Boston...I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...I think I'll go to Boston,I think that I'm just tiredI think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,You don't know me, you don't even care...

I don't agree. Solving the wrong problem.

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Epillogue

I think its cool to write prologues and epilogues on my blog.

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Cruel to be kind

Fact #1: Most people are shallow to a certain extent.
Fact #2: Looks do matter.
Fact #3: We can't change the above.

Hence, if a friend (who is wonderful in most respects) bemoans why he/she cannot attract a potential bf/gf, and you know that it is due to a physical thing that is WITHIN THEIR CONTROL TO CHANGE AND IMPROVE, what do you do?

(a) Be kind, don't risk hurting them, don't tell them, and continue to see them unsuccessful in these matters and constantly get hurt n deluded and self confidence no good n vulnerable to the scumbags of this earth of which trust me there are many, most of whom have no qualms when it comes to manipulating girls for their own selfish ends.

(b) Tell them in the most gentle way possible that out of love n friendship you dont mind risking incurring their wrath (hope they are mature enough to understand) that their current physical attributes got some things that are not so good but wait these r controllable things so TAKE ACTION (its not the drastic kind like go crash diet go marie france go anorexic) as it will improve your health, energy and vitality anyway. I mean its pointless to be kind n smile n watch them suffer...thats not what being a friend means. Being a friend means you gotta have enough balls to stand up n say lookie here mate, the world isnt perfect, you also dont want a fat ugly smelly dig nose boyfriend right? Similar guys also want a girl who is XXX and hence, just put in a LITTLE bit of effort. Goes a long way. It doesnt mean you're conforming or changing urself.

I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Cut Production Inefficiencies!

Howdy, my fellow Sheila's and Average Joes!

Maybe you are wondering, hey watsup with the title of this post. Very simple. I can't be buggered to think of one so I glanced around, saw this calendar given to us by 1 of our vendors, and ... copied it heh heh.

Wow I've got so many bits of randomness in me today I feel like a little sparkplug shooting out sparks. Ok, with zero attempts to put things logically, I shall start spouting.

1) Started reading Anne of Green Gables last night, on the recommendation of someone who whatever she thinks is good, I will believe. Immaculate taste proven time and again, not the least of which being choosing not to cut ties with me and kick me into the wilderness beyond since apparently we are chasms apart. The language is very good. I like that book. Think I watched the movie though.

2) When you spend all your time at work, you are bound to develop close rships with your co workers. Fair enough. And when you hence don't meet many other members of the opposite sex, you are bound to eventually start having beer goggles, and somehow, your perception of said colleagues is that they are better looking than they actually are in reality. Hence a lot of work rships start this way, and in my workplace, many end up getting married. Just an observation. However, in my particular environment...so heavily male dominated...I guess I'm safe from this phenomena.

3) Was v proud when a colleague-promoted-to-friend got promoted recently and am pleasantly surprised to see the changes and various developments in her now that she has additional power. She went through hell, as we all did. But was touched when she presented me in private with some simple tokens of appreciation. I'm not sure what for or why, or even if I deserve it. I'm just really glad that I managed to survive in this dog pound, get regarded as a capable person, and I did it without stepping on ppl and backstabbing them, nor did I play politics. The point is, I'm glad that my presence here wasn't just whisk in, do something, and bugger off; I actually made a little bit of impact, had some meaning, and made someones life better. Now shouldn't that be what life is about? That you walk away having made a positive impact.

4) Observed that v often when ppl get struck, insulted or something, basically a form of attack, even if meant as a joke, there are 3 types of responses. 1 = play along and laugh it off. 2 = remain neutral and impassive, neither encouraging nor discouraging. 3 = by far the most popular, which is ow, u hurt me, either physically or not, and so, I have to hurt/hit u back! Mahatma Gandhi once said, if everyone lived by the adage an eye for an eye, soon the whole world will be blind. Wise words of wisdom indeed. And as Christians say, turn the other cheek.

5) One of my eternal regrets in this life is that I gave up on the piano. Back then, being younger stupider, more aggressive testesterone charged, I hated the theory part. Hated it absolutely. Learning it with 2 of my other siblings, the teacher always gave me extra attn and said I was the best and most gifted among the 3 of us. I paid no heed, and wanted out. How dumb! Now when I hear my sisters play, and play well, I feel a bit of an ache..wish I hadnt given it up or I can play like them.

OK...time to get back to work..brief mental sojourne comes to an end.