Charity

Charity.You should never do it unless you truly truly want to commit some time and effort to it.Or, you did it not really due to sincerity anyway. Why?

Because...you know when you visit old folks, abandoned folks, etc? What, just rock up one pleasant, fine, sunny morning. And then play some songs for them on the guitar, talk to them, listen to their life stories, for like 5 minutes..and then spend 1 hour taking photos presenting hampers and doing the corporate thingies. And then snapping photos of their squalid living conditions and of them lying in bed as if they were mere animals.

And then when the time is up, walking away from them never again to think of or visit them. Just like that, a breath of fresh air in their lives, make them happy if only for an instant, and then, when we have given them hope and happiness, to wrench it away and plunge them back into the abyss of misery and undignified existence which is the story of the remaining of their lives. Isnt that more cruel, when they are so lonely and starved of love?

It is a bit like... a hungry man...who is alwiz destitute n starving...and then.. u offer him one bite of a KFC drumstick..and then.. u remove it and forever leave him to his dry hard bread.

I have decided never again to volunteer for anything unless I can maintain a sort of commitment. Otherwise, it really seems to myself that it smacks of insincerity. And it eats at me. I went to this ... home for the homeless a lil while ago, just to be a kind of companion for the day, and although it was a really short visit, insufficient time to form lasting bonds or rships, it does cross my mind that just for a lil while we brought some sunshine into their lives and then we never return. And every Sunday they might be awaiting our return.

I will do a follow up visit. Not out of charity or pity. Not out of easing guilt, which isnt really there. But more of... I want to do this. I don't know how many of you understand this.
Ah, I could definitely say this better, but the point is not really to articulate myself clearly and display my extremely well documented, self confessed and non existent amazingly bad powers of describing my emotions.