Brother

How do you become a good brother? How can I fit into the shoes of a father figure, a man, at a young age?

Ever since I came of age and became sentient, which to me is circa the age of 12/13/14 (everything before that is a blur of … nvm), I have been aware of the fact that my younger sister is growing up in a family with 1 mother who is always busy n working, 2 sisters who are years older and caught up in their own stuff, and one demented half sane brother (aka me).

I started going out and hanging out in society. And I saw many girls from families that don’t shower the girl with love/understanding etc or guidance…and these girls became easy prey to the many predators lurking around, some of which rank among my friends. I didn’t want my sister to end up like them. i decided that they were best taught while young n impressionable, and not wait til they were older and jaded n beyond saving, that some of the girls i know are, or even some of my friends' younger sisters. so i also nagged at my friends to be better elder brothers.

So, since she was young, I tried to teach her good, and set myself to be a (reasonably la, I’m not perfect!) role model. I tried to be honest, responsible at home, reliable, all that good stuff, do well at school, exercise, things like that. And I spent a lot of time listening to her talk about her crushes, hopes, fears. Spent a lot of time listening, advising, sharing experiences. I believe 1 of the worst things a child growing up can face is to face the world on her own. I wanted to be that father figure, to be that safe elder brother for her to run to. To be her first alternative in times of trouble. At least someone in the family knows what she is up to right? To sort of make her feel some semblance of loved/protected by the elder brother. And helped her sort out many of her problems.

On the whole I would think I did okay. She still looks up to me, respects me, and listens to me. And always compares her poor bf to me and telling him what to be like me more. Haha.

Of course, growing up, there were times where a brother just wasn’t good enough, and I had to rope in my sisters to do the whole birds bees period talk.

Ok that’s besides the point.

The point is…I can feel her slipping away, growing up. How do I know when to let go? In my mind she is always the scared newly minted teenager who came home from school crying after being bullied and I had to use my contacts to sort out the gangster bitch. The silly girl who cried coz the girl she admired at school did not return her fancies. The girl who sat scared n stiff when the halfbaked Pathlab nurse jabbed all over her arms in order to find the vein, and I had to leap in and angrily push the nurse away. The girl whom I taught how to ride a bike. The girl whom I forced to pick up reading and now fights for my books with me. My baby sister is growing up, and becoming a lady in her own right. It is never easy is it? You always think that she is still that naïve innocent silly vulnerable girl who thought the world of you, who clung to you fiercely, clutched to my protective shell. You worry that if you turned ur eyes away, she would be cheated and hurt. As a friend aptly said, ‘…thinks that if someone offered me a sweet, I would happily hop into bed with him.’

So I am very sympathetic to parents, especially parents of girls, especially single parents of girls. My mum was one too, to 3 girls. You grow up pretty fast in a family of women, where you are required to be a man in many senses of the word before others are. Things that other guys find taboo, you are numb to it, being exposed to it before you even understood it.

So now my younger sister is talking about migrating, moving away to live, considering choosing another boyfriend who she met in Australia, all the grown up things I myself refuse to consider much. talking about things like physical attracton, and wanting a 'man'. whoa!

i hope i have, but sometimes I fear I’ve not taught her well. I fear I haven’t equipped her with the right mentality to take on the world. I fear I’ve failed. Sometimes when I feel hard, I think, I just do what I can, the rest, she lies in the bed she makes. But still, I cannot help feeling n hoping that the last decade and a bit were enough time for me to teach her well. That’s the best gift I can ever give her, while making no pretense that i'm perfect. Of course, I myself have fucked up again and again, and seen others, and that’s what I try to prevent her from going through.

At this point, she is doing the teaching, and me the learning – how to let go.