F*****... and Hurting. But not Broken. Never.

*Warning: Self Indulgent Overdramatic Emo Post. Pls Avoid if you are those 'mature' types.

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Listening to Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated [lyrics] - highly recommended.

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He stands in the shower.
Staring at the fingers on his left hand. Staring, feeling no pain. His fingertips.
The skin is red, cracked, blistered, splotched and damaged.
He cant help wondering if that is what his heart looks like if someone opened his chest and removed the heart out.

He just spent the last hour banging out his frustrations and emotions on his guitar, using it like it has never been used before, manipulating it, twisting and turning the strings, strumming pulling and shouting for all he's worth, trying to rid himself of these emotional demons that torture him and that he does not know how to eject from himself. This is the first outlet that springs to mind. He plays songs that reflect their love journey, in chronological order:

Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
A Shoulder To Cry On - Tommy Page
Dying Inside To Hold You - Timmy Thomas
Amazed - Lonestar
Quando Quando Quando - Marino Marini [lyrics]
The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice

The memories are really hitting in earnest now. The emo hits hard. The tears start to fall. Unable to hold back anymore, he goes into full emo mode:

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2
Hate Me - Blue October
C'mon Through - Lasse Lindh
Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance [Lyrics&GuitarTabs]
Vindicated - Dashboard Confessionals (5x) [Lyrics] [GuitarTabs]

Spent, tired, and having expunged SOME of those demons, he turns his thoughts on the future.

1) Investing in a relationship is the most high risks high stakes form of investment. If you lose, you lose more than $. You lose yourself, your soul, your direction, your dreams, your time. But if it paid off, the dividends will complement and boost yourself, soul, direction, dreams, time.

2) If you invest 10 units of resources into a rship, you might, if it failed, end up losing all 10 units. If you invested it into something more tangible, like a career, if you got fired, at least your experiences and skills will ensure your returns are definitely more than 0 units.

3) But I am an idealistic fool. Dream on, invest on, I shall. I will continue to believe. For I believe if you invest 0, you get 0. If you invest something, at least you have that chance that it will turn out right. Ultimately, nothing is guaranteed, the least we can hope for, is that chance. For without chance, there becomes an absence of hope. And when you are in darkness, and there is an absence of hope, then there really is no point living. And if not, well, nevermind, love is not about investments and returns. If you enter into a rship without giving it your best shot, ultimately, it is a self fulfilling prophecy - in your reluctance to commit for fear that it will not turn out right and thus your desire to self protect, you unwittingly hurl n condemn it to doom right from the start. The analogy I can think of is this: if you want to win a race, you give it your best shot, and be damned if you did lose. If you decide to run at half mast, to prevent yourself from being hurt in case you gave it your all and lost, then, as the law of self fulfilling prophecies go, lose you definitely will.

4) So when a big chunk of your past, present, and what you based your entire future and dreams on becomes permanently altered, thus leaving you in a state of emo hell, what do you do? Some guys become permanently damaged. Some guys' true colors show - they decide to be jerks and be mean to all girls. Some guys decide that facts are facts, take a look at themselves, try to honestly assess yourself and take this as a chance for a major self revamp/major overhaul self improvement bid and move on with life.

5) Work hard. Take care of health. Make time for other things, the finer things in life. Do things for spiritual health. Be ambitious. Plan your career, make sacrifices, and make it work. Save. Lastly, most important of all, give yourself a timeframe to indulge in bouts of depression and let loose the f***** up emo [ala the mad crazed guitarist as mentioned above] and once the timeframe is used up, be so sick of these bouts, that you grow up, become more stable minded, and are ready to have closure and move on and leave the baggage behind.