Pain.

Listening to.. The Power of Love

Times like these...are the hardest.

When he finds it difficult to sleep at night with thoughts bouncing around his head...and he is all alone in his room, under the blankets, with nothing, but memories of the times that were. Defenses stripped down, laid naked and bare. Face to face in confrontation with his own emotions, without the self deceptive distractions of the day.

It’s at times like these that…he feels truly alone.

It’s at times like these that…he really misses HER.

It’s at times like these that…are so hard to take.

It’s at times like these that...require the most strength.

During the day, feelings can be disguised, avoided, run away from, buried under the daily tasks. During the night, when there is just him, and there is no where to run, feelings become very real, intensified and painful. Memories that once brought happiness now only give a real, physical pain in the heart.

Why did things turn out this way? [I Don't Know - lyrics].

How can a perfect love and relationship go wrong? Are memories only... memories? Do they have no influence on the future? Do they have no worth, no bearing on the present? How can, after all these years, she claim to 'not have a single good positive memory of us', not a single memory of something positive, can't remember ever being happy...

Whatabout those times he would meet her outside the library late, late at night, bring for her an extra jacket, and push his bike and help her carry her books, take her to his place and they'd laugh joke and point out things about people they passed, have supper prepared, and tuck her into bed? And those times they worked throughout the night on her assignments? OR when they gorged ourselves silly until they were pink in the face at CCH and then stumbled over to Borders? How about those times they clutched each other as they inched their way from his place to her place in the night, and in the cold, and they held hands inside his coat pocket, and she said she didn't mind walking like this forever? Or the night of their anniversary when he cooked her favourite pasta, and played on his guitar for her what he had been trying so long to learn - their song, Lonestar's Amazed. Or the time when he played and she sang along to Tommy Page's A shoulder to cry on and they laughed at each other's mistakes? Or those cold winter nights when they got so ravenous and then they'd order extra large servings of spaghetti amatriciana (extra chilli flakes please!) with ribs, and then sit in front of a dvd, pig out and happily smile at each other with faces smeared with bbq sauce? And how they'd skip classes coz they couldnt bear to be without each other. And how he would hold her and cool her throught the night when was sick. And how they'd walk from College Square to Crown...and back again. So much more..

Yes, he knows that was in the past. He knows those were childish times. And its time to grow up, to seek more permanent things, to seek a sense of security, etc. Love will not feed them. They can't live on love - cant drink it, eat it, or use it to buy things. But he isn't doing so bad now. And they know it. And she knows his plans. And he is striving hard, every day, every moment, every thing he does, to make himself one step closer to that goal. Putting himself through hell and back. So, why? The career is coming along fine, everything is in place, they've established trust, understanding, and he has stood by her through thick and thin. So...why? What happened? One moment they are fine.. and the next.. bam. Totally unprepared. How can she say she has no recollection of a single happy memory? That hurts.

Like Jude Law in Alfie..."What's he got? Tell me. I want to know. What's he got?"