FOKUS!

While flipping through my photo albums last night, I could see myself having aged. I could see my friends aging as well. Thank god I haven't got a belly, but I see my friends starting to develop them. And the turkey neck. And the lines on the face, ard the eyes. I'm scared! I don't want to grow old, look old. I suppose I will though, and, just like how I typically deal with all the inevitable things coming my way in life, I just hack it and do the best.

But when I look at 30 year olds, and see them looking 30, and weighed down with this n that, and think of em as boring old farts, I wonder, do 20 year olds look upon me, the soon to be 25 year old, with the same comments? I fail to be able to see my 30 year old colleagues having any form of life, or living any other existence except come to work, go home, all long ago abandoned idealistic dreams and hopes and wishes. Where its all bout the realities of working and paying the bills, paying off the car, house etc. Fuck me if I end up like that. I keep thinking when I am 30, I wouldnt be like that, I would be like me now.

I sure as fucking hell wouldnt want to live an existence where I wake early, drag myself to some job I don't like, work like heck, swallow my ego, come home late, ignore the bratty kids, feel depressed at my middle class urban suburban dwellings n existence, with some fat obese wife with a bad temper and curlers in her hair waving a rolling pin and yelling at the dog to get out of the kitchen, block everything out, sit in front of TV with a beer til its time for bed.

But then, to these 30 year olds, wouldnt they have been like me now back when they were 25?

And, would current 20 yr olds see me as that boring geezer who lost his dreams along the way? Did I really lose my dreams along the way and inadvertently joined the corporate rodent race?

Never!I console myself with 'wait til u grow up u brat'.

Argh, aimless verbal diarrhoea again, meandering and wandering directionless in the middle of the work day. Like the karate kid movie...'alex..u must..FOKUS!'