Grey

there is more to life, much more to life, than sitting around bitching about singlehood, or pretending to be nonplussed about one's singlehood when in fact one is. there is more to life than sitting around chugging beer for RMxx a pop and letting it expand your bloated stomach and get you all red and intoxicated. but the worst thing is to allow yourself to lose control and drink to the point of excess where your body literally breaks down and the next step is to go to the hospital for a liver detox. to allow oneself to lose ctrl and drink til the point where 1 is completely switched off and acts in a disgraceful manner, throwing items, swearing, puking and fainting, speaks volumes about one's character. if you have no understanding of your physique, how can you understand your mental and emotional self? it is immaturity, and all i can do is feel a mixture of pity and disdain for one so. call me harsh and call ME immature and watnot, but if ppl can b harsh to me in the spirit of not compromising THEIR personal standards and expectations, i reckon i am hence entitled to my own opinion.

moving on, now that the spite has been vented.

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feel like im living in a cloud of depression. not a major one mind u, but a slight dampening of the spirits nonetheless. when i compare how we were just a few months ago to now, i feel like an age, an eternity has elapsed. its just so sad. i know im making the right decision, i know this is what i want, and i know i am trying to actualize our previously articulated shared dreams. i am actively trying to do so. but how do i convince her i am doing likewise? how come she has so many doubts and sadness and fears? wish i could soothe her n hug n kiss n rub it all away.

i love her, i still do, despite regardless of it all. and all i want is for things to get back on track. i want to make things right.

ok enough. HENCEFORTH all thoughts pertaining to rships of such nature will be directed to the person f2f in real life. communication should be done that way, thats the only medium. even venting like this is not good. i shud vent to her.

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