Imperfections

I have come to fully accept the reality and fact that I am very immature, unreliable, irresponsible, disappointing and a bucketful of potential unrealized.

There is so much about myself I need to change, grow and improve. Realization is step one. Acceptance is step 2. Knowing what needs to be done and why is step 3. Wanting to do it is step 4. Doing it is step 5. Sustaining it is Step 6. Step 6 onwards is an ongoing process.I have just finished step 4 and am about to embark on Step 5.

Question.

If one has the greatest girl in the world, and one realizes one is deeply flawed, does one:

a) Sort himself out first to be fair to the girl, THEN, have a rship with her? To mitigate the risk that she might end up with some guy who is deeply flawed hoping he will change, and he never changes. Better he makes himself good, then he goes with her, hence she is assured that she is not getting involved with someone who needs a lot of work.

or

b) Gets with her for fear that by the time he is ready, she'd be snapped up. Then hope to change and improve along the way. This requires the girl to be patient, loving, sacrificial, and placing her trust & time in him. Isn't this selfish of him though? And greedy? And what if deep inside he is fearful he might never be all that? And then let her down?

The feeling of letting down and disappointing someone who trusted you and had hopes for you is immeasurably sad. My choice is B. Yes, I am selfish and greedy. But I do not want to let anyone else down. Once I make this step, everything, every ounce and atom of my existence, will be thrown into actualizing this.

Its alwiz best to naturally be so perfect. But if one is not, the next step is one who develops himself to be such. Is this second scenario any less ideal though? That he started out as a leopard, can we expect him to change his spots? Will there alwiz be an underlying layer of mistrust, doubt, suspicion by all parties involved that this is a charade, an act, borne out of a desire to make good, rather than an actual manifestation of his actual goodness.

Tell you what. Don't think so much. Just be 100% sincere, take that initiative, and really really want and try to be good, be ALL THAT. Alwiz be v v upfront with the girl, let her be aware of all this, and let her decide for herself what she wants, whether she is willing to take that risk and wait, or if time is of essence, does she want to pull out and move elsewhere. And then go and be fair to her, give it your bestest shot, throw everything at it, and if the outcome is good, its good, and if not, at least everyone involved was aware every step of the way.