Peter and Jane

Let's See How Far We've Come

Peter and Jane have come a long way.

When they first met, they were 2 disparate strangers with no connections, only pulled together by virtue of being in the same geographic location where they spent most of their time.

Then there was the initial shyness and getting to know each other. Then there were the group outings, group events, where bit by bit Jane revealed parts of her character that made Peter realize she was truly a different girl from those out there. He tried to initiate activities where they could spend time together; initially roping in other people to cover up his intentions, but eventually, mustering enough courage to ask her out alone just to enjoy her company, with no high hopes.

They started spending time together, and as they discovered things in common, hit it off like wildfire, and eventually it was a case where they could no longer deny what was real.

Fast forward now, a long time later, and Peter is able to call her his girlfriend. That makes him severely happy. He knows what he feels, and wants. He feels blessed that he can hold Jane's hand, and the last thing he sees and hears before sleeping is her and her voice, and likewise for the first thing he sees when he wakes. During their all too short time together in Melbourne, it gave him great joy to hug her to provide warmth during those cold evenings, and to feed her roast duck, pasta, famous porridge...sharing a common love for food, he loved feeding her til her cheeks went pinkish. He fondly berated her for not wearing enough and choosing instead to risk catching a cold. He loved seeing how she adored others' dogs in parks.

He can see a future together and wants that future. He is ready and willing to do what it takes to get there and does not hold back, and puts all his eggs in there, for that is the only way to make a relationship work. He is patient with her insecurities, unhappiness, inexperience, doubts and loves her all the same, because he understands her better than she realizes, by virtue of trying - really trying. He doesnt mind whether he gives more or not, and he happily reassures her and takes care of things so she neednt worry about anything except to do what makes her happy. He patiently absorbs any negativity she might have towards him, because he understands her point of view, and realizes that this takes time, as she isnt experienced and they have different backgrounds. If he remains patient, eventually, she will come around. He recognizes things are not perfect, but will still remain committed, and want to do what it takes to make this succeed. He has a vision, and will not let small things derail himself from that.

Nobody is perfect, and with a wry smile, Peter also realizes the same for Jane. He knows he isn't. Some good things and characteristics are his natural self, which is great, but there are others he realizes he needs to work on, and these he openly shares with Jane and makes the effort to correct his flaws. But he does not make demands on Jane, and lets her be herself, and accepts her wholeheartedly the way she is. He quells any negativity in his chest cavity, and decides wholehearted unreservedly to commit to her.

He knows that many things which bother someone up til a certain extent in the beginnings of a relationship will eventually be smoothened out, and thats natural. But other stuff that exceeds that extent, and continuously comes back to haunt him and accuse him again and again and make him feel less than what he is and casts him in a negative judgement light in spite of his actions and attempts to prove otherwise..this stuff is trickier. But Peter has been down this road before. Peter realizes that this could very well be another case of trying again and again and being an optimist and realizing eventually 5 years down the line that in reality, he is still being cast in that light. That he has merely been proving himself over and over again, still is, and hence, might still be in future.

Nobody can live like that.

He knows he isn't all he is made out to be. He is better than that. So eventually he sits down and takes stock...where is this situation really going? In situations like that, he decides to do what he can and do all he can to prove that he is who he claims to be. He does not speak much, but chooses to try to let his actions speak for themselves. He patiently persists to convince Jane that he is what he says he is, and allows Jane to gradually feel the same way about him. But in spite of everything, he finds that he remains doubted, mistrusted, constantly at the receiving end of negativity. He is 1 man against an army of dissenters. And 1 man against an army of dissenters will never win. All he asked is to be judged on himself, how he treats her, how he values and respects her, how her happiness and welfare means everything to him, to look at him, don't listen to others who are not in his shoes. Don't be so quick to allow outsiders to mar what your heart tells you, because then it shows how weak and flimsy your opinion of him is.

It hurts Peter immeasurably, but he is old enough to recognize situations where you have to call a spade a spade and you cannot fit square pegs into round holes. You cannot choose your future based purely on emotion. You have to recognize trends. Is this situation going to improve? Or will it be the same all over again? Will it be yet another case of a never ending series of tests, tribulations, people watching warily waiting for him to fall, expectations that he has to keep proving himself good enough, that he cannot be taken just as he is, that there is some flaw to him, that he just isnt good enough as he is. Will it be another case of 5 years down the road, realizing that in spite of everything, he is still back in square 1? He is somewhere between a realist and an optimist. An optimist always looks on the bright side of things, not on facts, which might color him to make not the best decisions. He cannot afford to be an optimist, because he is messing with people's lives and sentiments, which are of a very real and potent nature. It is not something to be taken lightly of, as these situations exposes people for their weaknesses and vulnerabilities and strips them bare of all self protective measures. A realist sees things as they are, and hence makes the necessary corrective actions. If he is to be taken but only with conditions, if he has to constantly prove himself..if he causes Jane to be unable to experience the wonders of a truly unconditional rship..he knows what he must do. Mature people look to the future, and it is only the weak who ignore the signs in favour of emotions.

All he asks is that the both of them go into it with the same approach, commitment, trust, effort and faith.

Lets see how far they've come. Let's see how far they go.