Relationship investment

Excited...excited! The count down begins! 6 more hours! Oh delicious oh joy..til ur in my arms again.
Til then I can only hunger and wait.

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I hate disappointing people. I really do.

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Can't sleep. Excitement rules.

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I used to abide by the philosophy...look..if I am not going to still remain friends with someone 5 years down the road.. If I am not interested in pursuing any type of relationship with them 5 years down the line...if we are probably going to lose contact...then I don't want to spend a single moment with them unless necessary. Why invest time and effort into building and maintaining relationships with someone I won't be in touch with next time? Coz when we r no longer in touch, all this time n effort spent now is totally wasted. I mights well spend time doing stuff that makes me happy and strengthening relationships with people I will still be mingling with 5 years down the line.

This remained unchanged all the way up until I met my gf in Melb and beyond. Coz the way I saw it...if you invest X time and effort into a relationship that eventually goes the dodo's way, it becomes a sunk cost. An the opportunity cost is cementing further existing relationships. ITs a very practical way of looking at things. People tell me I should be more diplomatic, more nice, and take more effort into cultivating relationships. Who knows? It might form a good network and contacts and come in handy next time.

I never bought that crap. Good network and contacts never has and never will form a basis of a sound genuine relationship, and immaturely and perhaps a tad idealistically, I only believe in surrounding myself with sound genuine relationships. I was notorious for rudely getting up and walking away if I didn't give 2 hoots about a person, notorious for preferring to be alone than to be with others I didnt respect.

When I got to work here, I tried to change and be more sociable. At first it was OK. I told myself gotta learn social graces, gotta be fake. But though I have tried, I cant!

I wonder if others feel like me. Increasingly, I find myself unable to click with my colleagues even more than normal despite trying, whereas I used to click quite well with them if i tried.

Many things they say and do annoy me. Its like...hello, grow up!!! I find their stuff not funny. I find it absolutely silly to drink all the time and even sillier to glorify such behavior. I find the stuff they say and or do v childish, and very self centred. It pisses me that all they care about is their own well being at the expense of others. They are still very adolescent. They have a v small minded n narrow view of the world. When they meet up, its alwiz trying to one up another, be it in drinking capacity or stock market success. And people who I do not respect I absolutely cannot bear to laugh at their jokes or to see them as glorious in any way. Theres is absolutely zero looking up to them.

I also cannot stand it when...others think such types are oh so cool. But well nvm one man's food is another's poison bla bla to each his own opinion I shall elaborate no further. Suffice to say this post probably demonstrates I am a bigot. But seriously.. why play drinking games? Why drink!? All the time? Its like without alcohol we cant have fun with each other? We cant open up? We cant let loose? Be free? Be social? WHAT? What is it? If you need a stimulus like alcohol...ur relationships isnt based on v much is it? The very fact that you need alcohol to create that buzz just shows how VERY REAL it is. I also cannot stand it when colleagues decide to play stupid cheap thrills games that involves intimacy and physical contact. I mean, control urself!

An example. During the treasure hunt a few months ago...a bunch got together to play.. Twister. Now, do you guys know what that is? Its a game whereby patterns are drawn on the floor (or we use a Twister mat) and people place their palms and feet in certain squares and end up getting realllly close to others privates and appendages. You end up having instances like V oggling at K's ass, or X being able to almost graze Y's breasts or L staring at M's crotch in her face. Ew. I know in the entire batch of us young uns, Me, VG and EmperorN***m definitely wouldnt have played that game. Why do people want to play that game? What joy can possibly be derived? WHAT? I can only perceive cheap thrills. Call me an old man, a spoil sport, wet blanket. But seriously...its a disgusting game whereby people who are not attached can be so close to another person's privates.

I am just so not into cheap thrills.

I much prefer the quiet honest humble lack of pretentiousness type of person who carries herself with quiet dignity and is confident enough to reveal when she has no idea what is transpiring. Only EmperorN***m and VG fits that bill so far. Every1 else tries too hard. Asking me to hang along the prev bunch for more than quick snatches occasionally, you mights well kill me. Smart? Worldly? Funny? Nuh uh I dont think so. In short snatches, tolerably so if I put myself in that frame of mind. I want sincerity n maturity.

So it is good that everyone knows that I have this habit of not participating in events or showing up for just a small part of the event. Then, when I get repulsed, I can just up and go and no1 will be none the wiser.