Friends....or just Colleagues?

When does one cross that line from just colleague, to good acquaintance, to friend?

In my previous working experiences, I have always tried to separate quite clearly 'colleague' and 'friend', and tried to keep em apart, and not let one cross the line of the other. I guess I achieved this by detaching myself from them inside while being there on the outside, or not hanging around them much, or not opening myself up, or just viewing them as a hang out together bunch.

But today I find that thats completely reversed with this current company. I find that I can quite definitively define some of these people as friends, people I still want to keep in touch with even if we are no longer colleagues. We get along well, laugh at the same dumb things, at each other, have various shared ups and downs, understand mostly what the other person goes through, and share that same half sinking feeling on Sunday evenings when we think of the immense workload we got to cut through again tomorrow.

Its a cool feeling to have friends working in the same place. I don't mean friends from previously; that'd be awkward. But its cool to make friends while working in the same place, to form friendships that can last down the line, with people who are nice to you, and whom you can trust not to play politics behind your back, and without where work would be a lesser place. It is not easy but I suspect some of the reasons this situation with me happened because:

- Our *so called big firm* makes our jobs so stressful (its mostly the workload n expectations) that its a common thread that draws us together, and allows us to vent n bash, and in the process, open up to each other

- Our HR dept does a great job! Consistently selecting like minded ppl (wow! better than a matchmaking service, only, this is the 'friends' version)

- This bunch of people is so great by themselves that it is impossible to exercise self restraint successfully, and I end up relaxing the controls n inbuilt mechanisms and seeing them as more than just colleagues and liking them on their virtues by themselves

I do not like to invest my time and effort into building relationships that has no potential to turn into a lasting friendship, or whereby I will not be in touch with that person 5 years hence so whats the point of building it up now? It's like pouring money into a drain.

What sparked this post? Well, an initially colleague, who later turned out to be more than I thought, quit. I already regarded him as a friend, and his departure left a little gap in my everyday work life; without our shared jokes and laughter, and same zany sense of humor. Granted he is a little weird at times (yea, wat the heck!?) but its this uniqueness in everyone that makes us individuals, and makes us endearing to others (or disliked).

And there is 1 other person whom I also regard as a friend already. Being the tough cookie she is, has decided to stay on and fight a bit more. For her position, its not easy for a girl to excel, but unbeknownst to her, excel she does, but, we can't please everyone. Its that spirit thats so stirring - independent, look this is the cards that life dealt me, I will have my emotional moments, but I will pick myself up and move on and just play with the hand life dealt. No complaints. Just puts her head down and does wat needs to be done, never whines, expects someone to come out n bail her out, just sorts out her problems. When she was considering quitting, I felt that same pang of slight loneliness as when the aforementioned guy left for more compatible pastures.

But the real story behind this post is with another colleague whom I regard as a friend already as well. See, when I first knew her, just like how I treated everyone else, I tried to maintain this little barrier (internally lah, not on the outside). But over time, she struck me as more n more interesting and we seemed to get along well (i dont care if ur a great actress, let me believe this lie), and by now, has leapfrogged into the Friend zone (how privileged!). Possesses among the best sense of humor I've seen on a girl (doubtful claim, but I am trusting). So anyway, today she mentioned something about quitting. Now, I have never taken her such statements seriously but the more I know her, the more I realize I have no idea when she is kidding.

And that sparked off the following trail...When I started in this company, more or less these were the ones who I hung out with, had the most fun with and made life at work sort of fun. When we went out after work, whereas with previous companies I would have declined, this time, I actually liked to go. So among the close bunch of us, it made me realize the possibility I could, soon, be the only one of us left. These are the three whom I consider 'Friend', and not just, no longer, colleague. And that feeling that I'd be the only one left filled me with some kind of sad feeling. I would miss them.

I won't go into it here...but if I work with them, they automatically fall into the Colleague category. But if they display qualities that matches the criteria I use in my life to decide who are Friends and who remain Colleagues, then they can switch to Friends. And these do. I completely trust them.

But can colleagues also be friends? Would it be weird? If a colleague-who-became-friend later ended up, in his professional capacity, at complete loggerheads with me in my professional capacity, that results in 1 of us having a worse outcome, would maturity be enough to sustain this fship? And normally colleagues have a lot of politics.. they might smile at you, but behind your back, at best, while hearing someone criticise you, they will not speak up for you. And I hate those people who constantly say things to 'test' you. See how smart you are, etc. OK, look, quit it ok? I am not smart. There. I'm not a threat. Now go and feed your insecurity someplace else. OR behind your back try to spread bad things about you. And believe me I meet a lot of such people. Or people who intentionally keep a low profile and make themselves seem sillier than they are. Why!? Whats with all this godddamn mind games? Why want to pretend to be a pig to eat the tiger!? Be yourself!

So when I see ppl whom are totally so not like that...and whom I can hang out with.. have fun with...can trust...can count on to be honest...no headgames...its like a refreshing breath of fresh air. So I guess thats how I know who are colleagues still, and who I consider friends - if I will miss you, you are a friend.