Toilet Chronicles

*WARNING EXTREMELY GROSS POST COMING UP IF YOU'VE JUST EATEN OR CANT STOMACH IT PLS DONT READ!

ok disclaimer done.


Was engaged in a lively animated debate with some members of the fairer sex who defiantly claimed that female toilets (public) contain among the most foul examples of human habits. And ended up comparing the toilets of what I used to think were sweet classy clean sophisticated intelligent sexy creatures [I choose to believe they don't fart burp shit {only a gf is allowed to do these} and when they do I tell myself my senses are deceiving me - yes I know I am an idiot that way]..


And I started off trying to paint a picture of my species and gender in a more classy manner...


but the women's toilets gross habits were really winning and in the end I had to haha degenerate the guys' habits in order to stand a chance of winning.

So what transpired?

Ahh...we alwiz thought, that the dramas happened at women's public toilets didnt we? And below are some of their claims to fame:

- Used/soiled sanitary pads floating in bowls and not flushed
- Blood
- Unflushed toilets (with faeces)
- Just plain dirty and smelly
- Long bloody queues (I would agree, judging from the super long lines outside public women toilets, e.g. on the North South highway rest stops, cinemas (Cineleisure in Singapore comes to mind instantly))..

So I countered with what we could reasonably expect at male toilets:

- Cig butts in urinals and toiletbowls (wow, so crude, my English teacher woulda been proud of my command of the language!)
- Scratchy graffiti on toilet walls
- Unflushed toilets with faeces splattered around
- Smell
- People with no 'aiming' prowess

And on that score we decided things tilted a bit to the women's side because they had to contend with more gross stuff, due to 2 factors: blood (and the smell factor, what one v helpful RT described as 'like metal, maybe a bit rusty' - WTF?@#!#) and secondly, long bloody queues.

At this point, knowing I was losing out, I tried to divert the topic to make it more 'educational', trying to explain what urinals were, and how men's toilets were like - extremely functional & no frills:

Lack of privacy not withstanding...


Some do try to provide a modicum of a sense of privacy though...

And 1 for the kids..

Which leaves a lot of room for creativity. The ones at Mid Valley Megamall, they have a Bull head right at the spot where you should be aiming (Bulls Eyes, geddit?)..some replace that with a frog or something that says Shoot Me! or Aim HERE or some such variety...I hate to think what would happen if M'sia went to war..our men can't aim! Me not withstanding, of course, *smug grin*.

Once in a while you get those really creative ones through email:


Of course, these are still OK. The weirdest (and most cost efficient I presume) are these:

Taken in Melbourne

What. Other. Situation. Is. There. Where. 2. COMPLETE STRANGERS. Can. Stand. A. Few. Inches. From. Each. Other. And. Whip. Out. Their. Dong. And. Not. Get. Strange. Looks. Or. Beaten. To. Death?

Just imagine the above photo, filled with guys standing almost shoulder to shoulder, all pissing into the same thing, some with a higher aim (naturally, *smug grin*) and some with a lower aim (its alrite, mate) and their dongs separated by inches. Geez. If THATS not a weird social creation, I don't know what is. Imagine 2 big businessmen sitting in front of a table discussing a major deal facing each other when moments ago their 2 naked dongs were a few inches from each other. And now pretend nothing happened.

One classy and interesting one I've been to is the one at Luna Bar, where you are literally pissing onto what looks like the frickin pane of glass of the window. You can actually see through what you are pissing on, and see the streets below. I presume the glass is a one way pane.

I am actually standing on the spot where I am supposed to piss as I take this pic

Here you get a better idea

Ahh....Needless to say, when RT mentioned that girls also have to contend with the possibility of running into newborn babies with umbilical cord intact in public toilets, I had to concede defeat!