Reading character at the gym

So now with sports events all coming up, with the way I am wired, I am becoming more antsy and the adrenaline is pumping again. Unable to actually play those games, yesterday night I decided to pop by the gym (my first time in like…many months).

[Beat L.A! Beat L.A! the Boston Garden is alive! The parquet floor is shining again!]

So, everything seemed quite familiar. It was nice to soak myself in the familiar and the known, and I rather liked dispensing my energy in this manner, attacking the weights with gusto and working myself up into a sweat. It also reminded me a lot of a certain phase in my life, which I really enjoyed. And comparing now and then, it was disheartening to note that I had not progressed much. It was a soul searching moment (how many guys do that in the gym!?), during which I had to deal with certain resolutions I had failed to keep and that I must now kickstart vigorously and with gusto. But, in remembering an article I had skimmed through very cursorily earlier, I observed something noteworthy.

They say you can identify the type or character of a guy by the way he works out, and I think this is very true. Of course, this is not THE barometer to be used, but it does help if you are a female on the prowl and your jungle is the gym. Actually, you shouldn’t be doing that.

Anyway.

Guys who spend a lot of time at the free weights area are vain. No ands ifs or buts about it. They usually primp and prone a lot, and are often observed ogling at themselves. If these peacocks strutting about are so preoccupied with their looks, you can rest assured he ain’t gonna be think about you much. These are the insensitive pricks. And lo and behold, a chance to test my theory came into play. The guy beside me dropped his ring, which he didn’t realize. I helpfully picked it up and passed it to him. He took it from me, did not look at me nor grunt nor assent nor say a word, put the ring on, adjusted it, and then picked up his weight and continued lifting and grunting while not taking his eyes from the mirror. Wow.

In the course of working up a genuine sweat, you are bound to occasionally let out some sounds or grunts. That’s fine. But there is a line that one should not cross. Maria sharapova sounding like she is having sex on court? Fine. Mr Big arms+Big belly-in-tight-shirt-with-popping-veins-bulging-thighs-in-undersized-tights-dripping-sweat sounding like he is in the middle of orgasming? DEFINITELY forgivable if someone (maybe me) decides to “accidentally” drop a 55lbs dumbbell on his crotch. These are the look at me types, who want the world to know what they can lift. They are normally loud dressers, who like to boast about their achievements, and who attain material things as status symbols as well. Fancy a boyfriend like that?

Then there are the quietly competitive types who keep sneaking peeks at the people around them to gauge how far ahead/behind of their competition they are, to either feel better, or to increase their weights. These types usually load more than they can lift. You can notice these because they spend a lot of time sitting watching and not doing much, and their weights seem too much for someone their size, and they lift just a little bit. Cant move it much. This is the sort of guy who will bite off more than they can chew just to keep up with the Joneses. Very risky to have a guy like that, more preoccupied with his self esteem and self conceived inferiority issues to feel secure enough in himself to focus on you.

Then there is the sort who do their workout, but constantly goes for drinks, reads magazines between sets, type messages, etc. This type does not have mental stamina and staying power to complete a task, and is the worst sort of employee or boyfriend. Once he loses interest in you or decides he does not want to push himself to meet objectively reasonable and admirable standards, he will bail. Is not persistent, not determined, so hence after a long time in the gym, you will see that they have not made much gains. They are not focused, not mentally tough, and easily give up. In a boyfriend, you want one who faces adversity head on, and rises above circumstances, not get sucked in by them.

There is another type, who is very disciplined. They go about methodically, never varying or changing their routine. You see him coming in at similar times, and doing the same workouts, in the same sequences. He diligently writes down his sets, his reps, keeps track of and monitors his progress, and even if it is absurd that a guy his size is lifting something very light, he is not afraid to do it. This is the type who is very disciplined, but without much creativity. They are very conservative, and are afraid to take risks or step out of line. They are hardly ever rich, but are never mediocre either. They are also sticklers to plans and schedules, and do not embrace spontaneity or unpredictability, and are not very flexible with their plans. But they do have several good traits.

The last type, is the best type. This type is embodied by me, but hey, that’s a story for another day, and besides, self praise is no praise.