Oshiete ikiru imi o
Is this really the life you want? If you could live the life you wanted, is this it? I made a major momentous life altering decision recently. One of the many I have made and will continue needing to make throughout my life, no doubt. In doing so, I effectively killed a major part of me, a part which I have suppressed for the longest time, and upon reflection, has manifested itself occasionally in ways that I should keep private. Bear in mind though its nothing illegal/perverted!
In saying bye to this major part of me, I decided to dedicate these few days to indulge in as much as I reasonably can to that lifestyle I will be leaving behind by and by. I have to leave behind my university days. But for now, I will re-live those times wherever possible n come my re-entry into civilization n work, I will move with a clearer sense of purpose, where slightly more clarity in my life direction will be obtained.
Stumbling upon my stash of X Japan memorabilia, I was suddenly struck by a sudden revival of my crazy for X Japan phase in university. Since I am saying goodbye to the dreams I held then, and only hold onto the memories, I shall indulge in the whole sensation, to recapture the feelings. Goodbye dreams...
YouTube seems to be giving problems..can't embed the videos. No problem, check this one out...Forever Love. I promise you won't be disappointed. I remember sitting street side one evening somewhere along Nicholson St. with HK and FL and the sun about to set, as we sipped our soy lattes in silence, dreaming of the endless tomorrows, with the slight drizzle coming down, and FL's portable speakers playing this song as accompaniment to our thoughts...and when it ended how we got up in silence, toasted with our lattes, and swore never to betray ourselves.
And how can we forget Tears, the song that literally moves you to tears...it was written by Yoshiki for his dad (who committed suicide when Yoshiki was just 10) and it totally resonated with me, who lost my dad at 5. It inspired me to grab my guitar, sit down, figure out the chords, and, guitar in hand, cycle down to the park in the night, playing and feeling the cold sting from the wind whipping against the few drops of tears running down my cheeks..please check out the link..I can't post MPEG files here. Its the best video ever, even if you aren't an X Japan fan. You can really FEEL the spirit of being in a band, of being an X fan.
No mention of X Japan is complete without the third of their most famous and commercialized triumvirate of hits..Endless Rain. Ahh...the Sundays spent waking up, with the rain pattering against the window panes, the cold sneaking up on your toes, and waking up to the sound of Endless Rain playing softly on the laptop..somehow the playlist timing is always such. And, humming along to .."madoromi dakishimete..[hold me warmly in your arms] " as I stretch and ponder the gloriously long day stretched ahead of me, full of possibilities. And then I kick off the doona, and hop off the bed as Toshi goes "Endless rain, fall on my heart kokoro no kizu ni (in this wounded soul)".
Our beloved Hide...the flamboyant guitar genius..though he was technically sound, his strength was in using simple notes to convey across emotions at the right moment. HIDE! When you took your life, you took more than your own. Hide was the glue who held the band together. Upon his demise in 1998, Yoshiki disbanded the group.
Yoshiki..the genius behind it all. How many times he has inspired me to live my life according to my heart, his words, his music, tears the deepest part of you that you have buried inside, and pulls it right out into the open for a face to face confrontation.
X Japan...the band who touched a generation..you will forever live on in us.
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