Falling out of love

I always wondered how many people a person can love in a lifetime. Love, truly love. Is it just one? Or is it more? And if it is possible to love more than 1 person, albeit not simultaneously, doesn’t that diminish the value of the love for each of these persons? It isn’t so exclusive anymore. If A cheats on B, it would be acceptable for B to love another. If A just died, can B love another? Coz the person she loves still exists, whereas if A cheated on her, he is no longer worth loving anyway. OK sounds complicated...it isnt really, but I cant be bothered to tidy it up.

I used to think, people who are in love, really truly in love, can never fall out of love.

It’s not true.

Nothing is free in life, not even a loving relationship. Everything requires some form of effort. Well, if it was true love, it wouldn’t really feel like an effort, coz we’d be happily giving. A loving relationship needs both sides to throw in effort in order for it to work. Given certain circumstances, any loving relationship can eventually go down the rocks. Boys and girls…you got to WANT it to work and try to make it work. Otherwise, the relationship will be doomed. It’s just a matter of time. Both sides have to try to understand each other, bend back, accomodate, be willing to make sacrifices. As people grow, it also helps tremendously if their growth paths converge.

After being in a long term relationship for almost 8 years, when that relationship don’t work out, I would like to think that I am smarter, more experienced in dealing with these things.

I know what characteristics to cherish and treasure in a girl. I know what type of girls I want, what traits I’d like her to have. I know what are the danger signs, what issues will give problems down the line. I recognize my own feelings and know how to manage them and still have the feelings but no longer be immature about the way they are manifested. I am not interested in playing around. All I want is to find that one special girl and once she is found, that’s it, I’m not going to fool around, and will base and plan our lives together. Life is complicated enough as it is without adding more layers of complexity. I just want that stable base, that solid family environment.

For that reason, it is absolutely important that this girl is well chosen, for otherwise, I am setting myself up for abject heartbreak. I will totally trust this girl, and base it on faith and trust my decision. Either I think very carefully and don’t choose her, or once I choose her, I will have no doubts or reluctance, and will give it my all, for anything less will not be giving the relationship the best chance of success and hence won’t be fair to either of us.

Sometimes people might be in a long relationship, and after break up, it is a very short time before they find another or get married. I used to think that was weird. But I realize now it is not. After the long term relationship is over, it is very easy to know exactly what you want and don’t want, and when you go around, you just look for those things and see if the potential partners have/don’t have those things. You cut the chase short, don’t waste time, and cut right to the core of a person’s attractiveness. And you realize how difficult it is to find the right person, and what the wrong person can do, so once you find the right person, you snap them up, and you never let them go. Which explains why people emerge from long term relationships just to quickly marry another.

The danger is people who have never had previous relationships, coz they have no personal experiences to compare against, and will not truly know and appreciate or realize if they have a good partner or not and hence might value their partner less.

Argh, work beckons. Gotta run.