Thursday, November 30, 2006

Work...I'm tired..but i will go on.

[this is a private rant...to you, it WOULD be boring...consider urself warned]

Work. Today, this morning, I feel like reexamining my career.

As part of my newfound desire to do the right thing, I have been throwing a lot of myself into my work for the last one year. Again, its not really something I do because 'oh er isnt that what we are supposed to do? i'm just following the masses.." but its more of a "look, i know wats important in life, and i know what i want to get, and i know how to get it, and realistically, if i have to work hard for it, fine, so be it'.

Put it this way. Why do i spend 12 hrs at work, often more? why do i go in when the sky is dark and come out when the sky is dark? why do i sometimes skip meals? why do i put myself thru intense pressure n stress (resulting in severe havoc to the internal health systems)? why do i sacrifice so much of my personal interests?

I alwiz look at end games in mind. if the end game is worth it, the journey there will be tolerated, regardless. just block out emotion. in this case, the end game is:

- OK, want to be able to provide a comfortable life for the family.
- Don't want to have financial worries at all. No need to be wealthy, just please, no financial worries, no quarrels about finances, no wife and children needing to make too many sacrifices.
- Therefore need to have successful career.
- Therefore need to be someone who companies want to hire/keep and willing to pay for.
- To have successful career one must know a lot about what one does, and one must be good at it.
- In order to do that, one has to build up ones knowledge and experience.
- In order to do that, and do it quickly, 1 has to be willing to not take shortcuts, and to work hard, and put in the hours.


In my line, in my position, that is not an option. In fact, we are considered 'future leaders' and upon graduating from the MT programme, will automatically become managers entrusted with a small cell, and henceforth, we are expected to manage that stuff well. The way the programme is done, we are forever fast-tracked so that the spotlight is constantly on us, we have to keep proving ourselves, and we are expected to rise to a senior post around 5 years after we graduate from the MT programme. in return, they will give us a comp. & ben. package thats supposedly among the top in the country.

The way I figure it, this is the best time to learn, and to make mistakes. Once I am no longer an MT, and become a manager, the only way to keep rising is to do a frickin good job and the only way to do that is to ensure I really know my stuff well, I can't be bullshitted, and that I have the people's respect. And those things are stuff that I need to achieve, now, because they will come in handy nxt time.

Of late, it has become clear to me that my senior manager/s thinks rather highly of me. When I sit back and really evaluate things, I feel really really lucky. Things have gone rather smoothly for me, compared to others, and I can't really complain. Again, this would not have happened if i had not done my part. i feel grateful too. hitherto, my manager has really really pushed me hard. he is a reknowned tough guy, a legend in the company who is regarded as a star due to his knowledge and meteoric rise, and the pressure and stress he gave me was crazy. however, recently, he made me present one of my many current projects to the functional director and functional top team. apparently i did v well. after the meeting, in his room in private, he was beaming all over, slapping my back, and saying things along the lines of 'alex u made me v v proud today. u made me v v happy. u vindicated my choice to choose u to train up. u really made me v v proud today, and saved [dept name's] ass.' etc etc.

the acknowledgement really meant a lot.

i think it has probably showed me that what i am doing is the right thing, i am on the right warpath, and kinds of strengthens my resolve to keep performing and delivering.

the only niggling thing in my mind is that...the only reason i have been able to deliver is that i really spend a lot of hours, blood sweat tears on the projects (too bad, not v smart. a much smarter person would prolly have figured out faster/easier ways of doing things). these hours could be better spent indulging in personal hobbies like sports, reading, outdoors activities. which makes it v hard to strike that balance because i have hardly anytime left over for myself.

its scant consolation, but i do believe that there is no short cut to success,and that young men today are taking it far too easy. i see guys my age with no sense of urgency, or hanging out at cybercafes or without drive. i don't know, perhaps they just arent motivated enough. motivation should come from inside - otherwise its not sustainable. if young men today feel that their time is MORE WORTH IT to be spent mucking about..fine, thats their choice. if they think it is worth it, fine. but i feel young men should not waste their time playing playing spending money sleeping in etc etc and then wake up at 26, 28 yrs old, sober up and realize they don't have savings. when you are young, you have no dependents, no family, you should be working hard as hell, build up ur career, ur reputation, ur knowledge, the respect, ur savings, and then, when ur married, around 30, THEN u slow down a bit and spend more time with your wife. by then, you would have had enough savings and stuff to be able to afford to slow down. that is the path i am taking. the trick here is balancing work with self so i don't become too one sided.

i really don't know if im making sense here. and like everyone else, i dont know whether my actions are right or wrong. i just ... have to do it... and see what happens, and hope to live my life such that at 30 i can look back and not have too many regrets.









No comments: